When Everything's Made To Be Broken
by thebrightsunlight
Summary: Faberry. AU. Quinn appears to be the perfect girl, but she's hiding plenty of secrets. Rachel tries to understand how she became one of them.
1. Chapter 1

**When Everything's Made To Be Broken**

Chapter 1 - How It Started

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><p>It started with a song. On the first day of my freshman year at McKinley, I had a song stuck in my head. I spent the entire day replaying it in my mind over and over again. It's because of this song, and the resulting fact that I spent most of the in-between class time talking to my only friend Kurt at our lockers about it, that I was delayed getting to my last class. When I entered the room, there was one seat still available. Front row, farthest to the left, directly in front of the teacher's desk. To say that I was disappointed would have been an understatement. It wasn't necessarily the fact that I'd have to stare at old Mrs. Smith's sagging, wrinkly face up close for a year that bothered me, but the people that would be sitting around me. In the seat behind my desk was a red headed girl I'd never seen before but who had on a Cheerio uniform and was already making googly eyes at the boy sitting behind her. In the seat next to mine was one of those kids that smelled in elementary school and smelled in middle school and only smelled worse in high school. But the real kicker was that sitting behind the smelly kid and next to the ginger Cheerio was another cheerleader. But not just any cheerleader, <em>oh no<em>, of course it was the Queen Bee herself. The almighty Quinn Fabray.

I had heard the stories about Quinn Fabray. The ones in the sixth grade about her having two boyfriends at the same time, the ones in seventh grade about her getting herpes (when no one even knew what herpes was), and the ones in eighth grade about how her parents were going to send her to some private Christian school because they found out about the boyfriends and the herpes. All turned out to be rumors, of course, but the fact that she was someone who people would sit around making up gossip about was enough in itself to be intimidating.

But here are the facts that I knew about Quinn Fabray at that point in time:  
>1. Quinn Fabray was a good Christian girl.<br>2. Quinn Fabray was an excellent cheerleader.  
>3. Quinn Fabray was in the Top Ten of our grade.<br>4. Quinn Fabray was popular and her social life was only going to thrive in high school.  
>5. Quinn Fabray was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen before in my life.<p>

That first day of Geometry I spent the whole forty-five minutes listening to Quinn Fabray and the ginger Cheerio talk about their summers while I pretended to listen to Mrs. Smith's lecture about the necessity of math. Quinn had gone to Bible Camp for a month and spent the rest of the summer volunteering at her church as a youth leader at a Vacation Bible School. I didn't learn anything surprising from eavesdropping on their conversation, which is wrong I know, but I did grow to have a great appreciation for Quinn's dedication to her religion and her complete and utter love for all things relating to Jesus Christ. I thought it resembled the way I felt about music, in a way.

After that I was hooked on knowing more about her life. I listened in on Quinn Fabray's conversations for two weeks until Mrs. Smith decided we were too rowdy of a class and deserved a seating arrangement. I kept my front row desk, but Quinn and the ginger Cheerio were moved across the room. It was unfortunately like that for the rest of the year.

My sophomore year I got another class with Quinn. This time it was English and we had a happy, chubby, balding, middle-aged man named Mr. Garret. On the first day he said that he was "so cool" that we could call him "Mr. G" anytime we wanted. Also on the first day, I made sure to get a seat near Quinn. I was able to claim the desk right behind her, in the very middle of the room. On her left was a friend of hers, a Cheerio I didn't know, and on her right was her boyfriend Finn Hudson. I had heard little about Finn. What I knew was that he was the football team's new quarterback despite only being a sophomore, he was freakishly tall and smiled a lot, and his locker was right next to mine.

I took up my old habit of eavesdropping on Quinn's conversations easily enough and heard all about her summer at Bible Camp, her church volunteer work, the dress her mom bought her for her first day back at school, and, much to my delight, that she had heard a rumor that the Spanish teacher at McKinley was starting up a Glee Club.

When the bell rang, I went straight to the foreign language section and found Mr. Schuester. He directed me to the signup sheet he had just posted on the wall outside his classroom and I remember how ecstatic I felt to be the first one to put my name on the list. Every day I made sure to go past that list and check for more names. Of course Kurt added his the same day, as did Mercedes Jones who I hadn't met but had heard was a great person unless you made her angry, but it wasn't until four days later that anything else was on there. Tina Cohen-Chang, Artie Abrams, and a penis drawing.

That next Monday, before class started and before Finn and the other Cheerio arrived, Quinn turned around in her desk and faced me. It was the first time she ever talked directly to me.

"Hey, not to be creepy or anything, but I noticed that your name was on the Glee Club signup sheet. Do you know when auditions are?"

I was so stunned that she knew my name and could recognize it and that she was talking to me that a few random sounds slipped out of my mouth before I could create a comprehendible answer for her. "Friday! Friday after school in the auditorium. This Friday. Right after school. That's what Mr. Schue said." That was also the first time I ever felt like a complete fool in front of her.

"Great. Thanks." And that was the first time she ever smiled at me.

"You're very welcome. Are you, um, are you planning to audition?"

"Well I was thinking about it. I don't know if it would conflict too much with my Cheerios schedule or not." I remember the exact way her head tilted slightly to the right as she mulled it over. "I think I'll audition anyway. It sounds like a lot of fun."

And then her friends showed up and she thanked me again for the help and talked to them until Mr. G started a class discussion about whatever book we were reading. But my mind was on Quinn Fabray. She knew my name. She knew who I was. She talked to me. Popular, beautiful, amazing Quinn Fabray talked to me.

That Friday at the auditions I sang wonderfully, like I knew I would, and so did everyone else. I was excited because together we would make a great group but I couldn't help being disappointed too. Quinn didn't show up and only myself, Kurt, Mercedes, Tina, and Artie did. Mr. Schue said it was a great start to a great club, but we all knew the truth. We'd need a lot more people if we wanted to actually compete in any competitions. It was a big deal back then.

That weekend I hung out with Kurt for the first time outside of school. I mean we were friends, but we had never really been _friends_ until Glee Club happened.

The first thing he said when we sat down at what would become "our table" in a local coffee shop in town was, "Okay, first thing's first. If we're going to start hanging out more you have to know a few things. One, don't mention anything about Glee Club to my dad. Two, you have _got _to start dressing better. Seriously, don't you have two gay dads? How do they let you walk out of the house dressed like that? Which brings me to my last and final thing, _I am not gay_."

So we spent the next few weeks getting coffee, going shopping, talking about Broadway, getting to know each other better, talking about things we should do in Glee Club, and avoiding the obvious fact that Kurt was the most flaming homosexual there ever was.

Meanwhile, in my English class, I continued to listen in on Quinn Fabray's conversations. It was harder to do, because Mr. G liked to talk all period long, but occasionally we'd have a few minutes here and there to talk. It took a month of this before I could sense that there was some trouble in Quinn and Finn's relationship. And after hearing some gossip from Kurt about how the two fight and argue all the time outside of school, I decided to be brave and take action.

And on the first of October, I tapped Quinn on the shoulder before English class started and when she turned around I asked her how she was.

"Oh I'm fine, thanks for asking. How are you?" She smiled.

"I'm good, thanks." I remember how nervous I was. "So, um, I was just wondering if everything was okay because, well, I heard some gossip going around about you and Finn."

"Oh no." She sighed. "What are people saying?"

"That you two fight a lot? I don't mean to pry or anything, I'm just, you know, offering myself as someone to talk to if you need it."

"Wow, well, _thank you_, Rachel." She smiled while she said my name. "That's really nice of you." And that's when Finn entered the room. "You know, maybe we should hang out sometime."

"Glee Club is every Tuesdays and Thursdays after school in the choir room. You should come." I remember how accomplished I felt. Talking to Quinn, making a good impression, and helping out Glee Club all at the same time.

"I've got Cheerios practice Mondays thru Thursdays after school every week. I would go, if I could. My schedule gets booked up pretty fast though. But we should definitely get together sometime." She said before turning around, giving Finn and hello kiss, and spending the rest of the period passing notes to him.

I told Kurt about the encounter at lunch that same day.

"Rachel." He took my hand. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you had a major girl crush on Miss Quinn Fabray. I get it, she's gorgeous and popular and she has an amazing figure, but she has a _boyfriend_ and, I don't know, maybe you forgot, she's _Quinn Fabray_."

"I do not have a girl crush, okay." I pulled my hand away from him and crossed my arms. I remember contemplating the idea though. Did I have a girl crush on Quinn? I certainly admired her and thought she was pretty and smart and yes, she _did _have an amazing figure, but did that mean I had a girl crush?

It was then that I also contemplated that maybe it wasn't a girl crush. Maybe it was a real crush.

"Rachel, _sweetie_, listen to me." Kurt leaned forward and whispered, "Quinn Fabray is the straightest and most holy girl the world has ever seen. Whatever it is that you're doing, you should stop. There is no chance there. I know you say you're straight, and I'm sure you are, but we've all got those…_wandering_ feelings and those _exceptions_ and all that jazz, but come on. Quinn freaking Fabray? You've got more of a chance witnessing Cher and Barbara Streisand have a gladiator fight to the death."

I tried to listen to Kurt, I really did, but after a few weeks of trying not to talk to Quinn, and trying not to listen to her conversations, and trying not to question my maybe crush on her I got sick and tired of trying. And around the last week of October I decided to talk to her again. But I didn't have to initiate any conversation. She did it for me.

She turned around in her seat and smiled and placed our last essay prompt on my desk and asked if I could explain what exactly it was asking of her. And I did. And then when class ended she let Finn and her Cheerios friend leave without her and waited to talk to me.

"Thanks for explaining that again. I can't believe I didn't get it the first time." She laughed. She had a beautiful laugh.

"It's no problem, really." I assured her.

"Well, thanks anyway. You're really sweet, Rachel." She paused. "But um, remember when I said we should hang out sometime?"

I nodded.

"Well, and I'm really sorry that it has to be this way, but it turns out I can't hang out with you. My parents say I'm not allowed to."

I remember how genuinely sorry she looked. It somehow made what she was saying less upsetting. She had that ability, though. Or maybe it's more of a talent to be able to make bad news less hurtful.

"Why not? Is it because I'm Jewish?" It was the only reason I could think of at the time.

"Oh no, it's not that. Of course not." She reached out her hand and gently held me own. "Trust me, this has nothing to do with you being Jewish. My parents are in no way Anti-Semitic."

"Then what?" I remember wondering if there were rumors about me like there were rumors about Quinn.

She was quiet for a few minutes before she said, "It's your _dads_."

"Oh." I felt devastated to say the least. I felt sad that Quinn wouldn't be able to hang out with me. I felt defensive over my dads. But mostly I felt rage at her parents. There were a million things I felt like saying but I only seemed capable of saying one thing. "Oh."

"I'm so sorry, Rachel. I really am. I've been meaning to tell you. I asked them if I could hang out with you a few weeks ago and that's when they told me I'm not allowed to see you outside of school. I'm so sorry. I tried to reason with them but it's no use." She bit her bottom lip and let go of my hand. "I've got to get to class."

And she left. I didn't talk to Quinn Fabray again for the rest of the semester. And she made no attempts to talk to me. I guess we both felt awkward about everything. Kurt said it was for the best, and looking back I still can't decide if it really was for the best or not. I guess I don't know if it would have changed everything that happened next.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

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><p>When the second semester of my sophomore year began, Mr. Schuester had convinced the principal Mr. Figgins to let Glee Club be its own class. I dropped my silly art class as soon as I could. The Glee Club class was made up of me, Kurt, Mercedes, Artie, Tina, a tall football player named Mike, and, much to my surprise, Quinn Fabray.<p>

On the first day of class, after Mr. Schue gave a long but not quite inspiring speech about the wonderful things that our Glee Club was capable of, I moved to sit next to Quinn.

"Hi." I said to her.

"Hi." She said back.

It was completely awkward. I hadn't talked to her since she told me months beforehand that her parents had forbidden her to hang out with me outside of school because I have two gay dads. Over that time I hadn't lost any of my interest in her. It was strange to actually communicate with her again.

She turned to me, breaking the small silence that had fallen after our greeting. "I told you I'd join Glee Club if I could."

"You did." I nodded. "So, um, you like to sing? I don't think I've ever heard anything about you being a singer."

"Oh, my dear Rachel Berry, you really mustn't listen to every bit of gossip you do or do not hear." She answered with a smirk. "But yes, I do like to sing."

I felt embarrassed again. "Sorry."

"It's okay. Just promise me you won't believe any more rumors about me. If you know something about me, I want it to be because I told you. Do that for me, and I'll do it for you."

"That seems fair enough." I agreed. As an afterthought I said, "Wait, do you hear things about me?"

She smirked again and looked directly into my eyes. "I hear everything about everyone. But that doesn't mean I believe everything I hear."

The look in her eyes literally gave me chills. I had never felt so completely hooked on one person. So interested in all things Quinn. So invested in knowing more about her. So completely turned on by just one look.

Quinn faced forward again but I couldn't take my eyes off of her. After a few quiet moments I asked her, "Quinn…why did you tell your parents about my dads? Wouldn't you have known how they would have reacted?"

"I didn't tell them anything about your dads." She looked at her hands in her lap. "I asked what they were doing that Friday night and if I would be available to hang out with a girl named Rachel Berry. They knew your name. They'd heard it before from some friends."

"Gossip." I sighed. "Even adults do it."

"I'm still sorry about that. I really am."

"It's not your fault. I know it's out of your control."

"Thank you, Rachel." She looked up at me. We shared eye contact until Kurt joined us a few moments later.

"Hello, ladies. Quinn, you're looking wonderful today, as always. Did you do something to your hair?"

While Kurt and Quinn proceeded to discuss hair and make-up and outfits, I was busy letting my mind wander. I thought about what Quinn's parents must be like. Religious, obviously, but were they mean? Or were they actually really nice people who happened to be homophobic? I thought about what hanging out with Quinn would have been like. What would we have done? Gone shopping or something? I thought about how Kurt was right, that she did look beautiful that day. Every day Quinn managed to look beautiful. I guess some people are lucky that way.

The next day, four new people joined the class. Finn Hudson, Noah Puckerman, Santana Lopez, and Brittany Pierce. Two football players and two cheerleaders. From then on, Quinn sat with her crowd and Kurt and I sat on the other side of the rows with the rest of the Glee Club. We all got along fine, but the differing social statuses were clear.

The rest of the year I managed to talk to Quinn here and there, but Kurt or Finn or a Cheerio was usually always close by. We never mentioned her parents' homophobia. We always talked about something that meant nothing. The weather, a song, Mr. Schue's collection of vests, English work, school in general, plans for the weekend. We said things, but it was only communicating. It wasn't really ever a conversation. Conversations stimulate your mind and get you thinking and leave you with more than just the topic to remember. More than anything else, I wanted to have a conversation with Quinn.

That brings us to the summer between sophomore and junior year. This is the summer that I, along with the entire Glee Club, was invited by Quinn to attend the Bible Camp that she goes to every summer. No one wanted to go, but the idea of camping sunk in and fueled the idea that the Glee Club kids should celebrate the end of the school year by, you guessed it, going camping. And, if you can believe it, everyone went.

We didn't go far into the woods, just far enough to get away from civilization but close enough that if we got stranded and lost we could walk in any direction and eventually make it to a road. That was a big concern for some people. Mostly Kurt though. I was shocked that he was even going on the trip, really.

We went out to the woods on a Saturday afternoon and set up camp. We were staying in two large tents, both a short walk from the public restroom and showers that the campgrounds had. That night we built a bonfire and ate sandwiches and made smores and sang dumb campfire songs. It was the most fun I'd ever had in my entire life. It was the first night I had ever truly felt like I was a part of a group of friends. The first time I ever felt like I belonged.

It was after one in the morning by the time we went into our tents to get ready for bed. The tents were spaced pretty far apart, but if you listened you could still hear the laughter coming from the other tent.

It was during my walk to the restroom that I truly got to talk to Quinn for the first time alone.

"I'm so glad my parents let me come on this trip." She smiled.

"Do they know I'm here?" I asked.

"Not exactly. They know I'm in Glee Club, but I've never mentioned that you're in it too. I thought they would have said something after the performance we did for all the parents a few weeks ago, but I guess they only know your name and not your face. It's actually a good thing that your dads didn't go to that."

"They were out of town."

"Do they go out of town a lot?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"I'm glad we're getting to see each other outside of school." She grabbed my hand and gave it a friendly squeeze.

"Me too. I thought for sure it was never going to happen."

"So did I. My parents can be a bit…strict." She let go of my hand.

"Is there a lot that you're not allowed to do?"

"Oh yeah." She smirked. "Doesn't allows stop me from doing them though."

"Don't tell me that the great and holy Quinn Fabray disobeys her parents." I giggled as we entered the empty restroom building.

She paused before entering a stall and said, "Everyone deserves to have a little fun every now and then. Besides, teenage rebellion is a part of growing up. I feel bad about having to lie to them sometimes, but as long as no one is getting hurt I don't see why it should be made into a big deal."

"So then why did you listen to them when they said you couldn't hang out with me?" I didn't mean to ask such an awkward question, it just slipped out.

"I don't know." She looked down at her feet. "I guess at first it seemed like not a big deal. It wasn't like I wouldn't be able to talk to you at school, even though for a while we didn't really talk. But that was understandable, I guess. I don't know, I just thought it didn't matter. But now that I know you a little better, I'm starting to think otherwise."

"So are you saying we could hang out more often? Without your parents knowing?" I smiled.

"Possibly." She looked at me and smiled back.

"That's good enough for me."

On the walk back to the tents, I decided to take advantage of the last few minutes of privacy with her.

"Hey, Quinn?"

"Yeah?"

"What else do you do without your parents knowing?"

"How long do you have?" She laughed. It was a beautiful sound. "Actually not that much. I've gone to a few parties, had a few drinks but never gotten drunk, been with people while they smoked pot, gone to second base with Finn." She paused. "Made out with a girl at Bible Camp."

"You what?" I looked at her.

"It was nothing." She turned to me. "And it was when me and Finn were on a break. I was hurting and lonely and she was there. I really don't even know why I just said any of that. I was never going to tell anyone. It was really just nothing."

For the first time with Quinn, I felt hopeful. Even though I knew I shouldn't have felt it, I felt it anyway.

"You're not going to tell anyone right?" She asked hesitantly.

"Of course not. Like you said, it was nothing. And there's really no point in spreading gossip about _nothing_." I smiled as friendly and reassuringly as I could. I wanted Quinn to trust me. I wanted her to confide in me. I wanted to be her friend.

"Thanks, Rachel." She stopped and gave me a quick hug. "You're pretty cool."

"You're not so bad yourself, Miss Fabray." That was the first time I ever knowingly tried to flirt with her.

She smiled and looked at the ground and started walking again. She smiled all the way to the tent. When we got inside, our tent-mates, the rest of the girls and Kurt, were in the middle of a game of truth or dare.

"You two missed the funniest thing." Tina said as we sat down on our sleeping bags, which may or may not have been coincidentally next to each other. "Brittany licked the bottom of Kurt's foot."

Brittany nodded as the others laughed. "Tasted like a small Chinese fish."

"Brittany, pick someone already!" Santana nudged her with her elbow. The two were sitting pretty close together.

"Uhh, Quinn!" She giggled. "Truth or dare?"

Quinn rolled her eyes and smiled. I was really starting to love that smile. "Truth."

"Okay, truthfully, who is cuter: Finn or me?" She was completely serious.

"Oh, well, of course _you_ are, Brittany." Quinn laughed.

"It's true." Santana nudged Brittany again. "You're definitely the cutest person here."

"Aw, thank you, Santana." The way that the two looked at each other made me wonder if maybe there was something going on between them. One look at the others made me know I was right to think so. But no one seemed to mind or care. They were all smiling and having a good time.

That was when I realized these really were my friends. We cared about and accepted each other. We were more than a group of people who sang together. A deeper trust was there than I had ever realized before. It was surprising to me that I never knew before what I was missing out on until then.

The game kept going. Mercedes got dared to yell profanities (the boys in the other tent shouted back more profanities), Tina got asked if she would sleep with Mick Chang (she said yes), and Santana got dared to kiss Brittany. Which she did. They kissed several times, it was really more like making out. Everyone loved their enthusiasm and no one cared whether it was real passion or all for show. It was fun.

"Okay, Kurt, truth or dare?" Santana put on her devilish smirk.

"Truth." He answered timidly.

"Who do you have a crush on?" She asked while she grabbed Brittany's hand and held it.

"No one." He looked at his own hands.

"Bullshit." Santana smiled. "Come on, you can tell us."

"I really can't." He crossed his arms.

Brittany replied with, "Kurt, it's okay. You can tell us. We all already know you like boys."

I decided to try and help. "You don't have to hide with us, Kurt."

Kurt gave me a glare but dropped his arms and sighed, "It's not _that_."

"Just say the name already." Santana demanded.

"Finn Hudson!" Kurt exclaimed. The tent got silent. "Okay? There! _I said it_."

Everyone turned to look at Quinn, who didn't seem to mind. When Kurt tried to apologize to her, she smiled and waved it away. "You can't help who like, Kurt. I know that. Finn's a great guy."

Kurt nodded and that seemed to put everyone at ease again. The game went on and I eventually had to tell if I was a virgin (which I was), Mercedes did an impression of Mr. Schue giving a sex talk, Tina burped the alphabet, Santana took her top off (no one complained), Brittany ate a few marshmallows out of Santana's cleavage, Quinn told the story of the time she almost got caught sneaking out, and Kurt revealed that he was planning on coming out to his father soon.

It was close to three in the morning then, and everyone was pretty tired. The other tent had been quiet for a while too, so we decided it was bed time. We got into our sleeping bags, Brittany and Santana got into Brittany's together. Eventually the chatter ended and I thought I was the only one still awake.

I glanced over at Quinn to find her looking at me. She smiled and quietly scooted her bag closer to mine.

"Not afraid of the woods, are you?" She whispered.

"No, I just…" I thought about it for a moment. "I just don't want tonight to end."

"It has been pretty fun." She agreed.

"It's been the best night of my life."

"Really? Tonight?"

"Yeah. It's nice. Nice to have friends, you know."

She was quiet for a little bit. "You're different, you know that?"

"Different how?"

"Different good. A very good kind of different."

"So it's a compliment?"

"Yes." She paused as an owl hooted somewhere outside. "I love camping."

"I've never been before."

"Really? You should try it more often."

"I should. I've really liked it so far."

"I'd invite you to join me at the Bible Camp I go to every summer…"

"But I'm Jewish." I finished for her. "Thanks for offering, though."

"Rachel, do I…do you think that I'm _too _open with my religious views? Is it annoying at all?"

"No. Well, at least I don't think so. I actually admire you for it."

"For being a Christian?" She gave me a puzzled look.

"No, no. For your dedication and love for your religion. You believe in something and it's really admirable how much you care about it."

"I've never really thought about it like that." She looked up at the top of the tent. "I've always just done what my parents told me to do. Go to Church, go to Bible Camp, volunteer at the Church, love God, praise Jesus, wear this cross around your neck, spread the word of God. It gets old after a while. Being told what to do and love, I mean."

"So you're not really that religious then?"

"I don't know. I used to be. But now I just…I'm growing up and I'm starting to see things differently and I'm questioning things more and my parents are just always pushing this good Christian girl thing down my throat, it's just…it's so much pressure to be perfect."

"Questioning things?" I asked softly. "Like what?"

She glanced at me out of the corner of her eye. "Life. Reasons to keep living it. Why we live it. How we live it. If everything I've been told my whole life is true. If faith is really all you need. What love is. If perfection is what my parents want or if it was what I want or if I want that at all. If they love me or their idea of me. You know, normal teenage problems."

"You're amazing, Quinn Fabray, you know that?" I smiled.

"Look who's talking." She smiled back.

"I'm nothing special. But you, you're like everything I wish I could be."

"Wow." She had to cover her mouth so her laugh wouldn't escape and wake the others. "Now that is crazy talk."

"No, really. You're intellectual and beautiful and athletic and your voice is amazing and you're such a nice person and everyone likes you and you don't even know how you affect people."

"How do I affect you?" She asked quietly.

I didn't know how to answer her. So I said, "I'll tell you when I have that figured out."

"Fair enough." She yawned. "Goodnight, Rachel."

"Goodnight, Quinn." I replied, but she was already peacefully sleeping. The only thing more stunningly gorgeous than Quinn, was Quinn asleep. All the weight on her shoulders was gone, and she was just there. Unaware of the pressures in her life, floating in her own dreamland somewhere far away. It was beautiful. _She_ was beautiful.

Sometimes I think that night was when I really started living my life. Everything before that was pointless and only leading up to it. I had friends. Friends that were accepting and caring and loved to sing and perform. I had talked to Quinn more than ever before. Really talked to her, too. An actual conversation. For so many simple yet astronomically important reasons, that was one of the best nights of my entire life.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

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><p>The next morning of the camping trip, everyone was up and showered and ready to go for the day before noon. Some people went hiking, some people stayed at the camp and played card games, and the rest of us went out to gather more fire wood for that night. We were determined to use the buddy system, and my buddy was Kurt.<p>

"This is fun." He told me while we picked up sticks that looked good for burning. "More fun than I thought it would be. _Camping_, who knew, right?"

"Yeah. We definitely need to try this more often." I agreed.

"So, what were you and Quinn whispering about last night?" He raised an eyebrow at me.

"You heard us?"

"Barely. I couldn't make out anything you said over Brittany's snoring."

"Oh."

"So?"

"It's hard to explain because it really wasn't that much, but at the same time it was more than we've ever talked before, you know?"

"No, I can't say that I know. But what I _do _know is that you're still crushing on her."

"She's a lot different than people think." I smiled. He gave me a look.

"Rachel, I know I've asked you this before and I know you've always avoided answering it or just thrown out some 'I don't know ask me again later' crap, but I'm really beyond the point of curious now. What are you? Gay, straight, bi, Quinn-sexual?"

"Quinn-sexual." I laughed. "I like that one. But really, Kurt, what is the point of all that labeling? It shouldn't matter if you're gay, or if my dads are gay, or if Brittany and Santana are lesbians or not, or if I like a girl. It shouldn't matter."

"Yeah, but it does matter. We kind of live in a society that labels everything it creates." He sighed.

"Well." I stopped and thought for a moment. "Society didn't create me. It has no say on who I do or do not like or who my friends choose to date or how my dads love each other. Society didn't create any of us."

"Okay, let me rephrase then. Society just labels everything. Everything and everyone has its place and name. We categorize people like we categorize clothes."

"That's so sad though." I stopped walking. "Why does it have to be that way, Kurt? Why do we have to judge people? I know I'm guilty of doing it too, but why does it have to happen like that? Why should people look at someone like Quinn and judge her based on the cross she wears on her neck, or judge you for the clothes you choose to wear, or judge me for my lack of social interaction with peers my own age, or judge my dads because they love each other? Just…why?"

He tossed a stick back into the woods and watched it fly. He waited until after it hit the ground to say anything. "I'm sorry. I'll try not to stick to the societal labeling norms."

"Thank you." I gave him an awkward stick-filled side hug.

When we made it back to camp, everyone else was already there. Dark clouds were hanging around in the sky so it was decided that no one should go far from camp in case it started to rain. The weatherman had lied to us, apparently.

We played games and cooked dinner and it was fun. Not as fun as the first night had been, because the excitement of being in the woods had died down, but still fun. When the rain came around sunset, it was just drizzle, but we went to our tents anyway.

When we went to sleep late that night, Quinn and I didn't get to talk again because even through the constant light rain everyone could hear Santana and Brittany's muffled gasps and moans coming from their corner of the tent.

The next day we returned to civilization.

I didn't see Quinn for the month that she was away at Bible Camp. I spent most of that time wondering if that girl she'd kissed was there. If maybe Quinn was lonely and sad enough to kiss her again. But then I would be forced to remember that Quinn was in a relationship with Finn and I just could not ever see Quinn Fabray as a cheater. I was comforted by that, actually. It was another admirable thing about her.

The day Quinn got back from Bible Camp, she called me. She invited me to a party that Finn was having at his house because his mom was out of town. She said all the Glee kids were being invited, so of course I went.

When I showed up at Finn Hudson's house at eight, it occurred to me that this wasn't the kind of little get together I was used to. The bass from the blaring music could be heard by the road, teenagers were on the roof and screaming and running around the backyard with their red plastic cups overflowing, and the house smelled strongly of sweat and smoke. It occurred to me that this was my first real party.

I knew Kurt wasn't going to be there, most likely because he knew, unlike I did, what kind of party this would be. But I was surprised to find that out of the whole Glee club, I could only see Santana, Brittany, and Puck there. I hoped the rest were somewhere else in the house.

I didn't talk to anyone and no one talked to me. They didn't even notice me. It was like I was watching their party from the outside or something. No one even looked at me. I was just another prop amongst the chaos.

Finally I decided to check upstairs. Surely at least Finn would be up there so I could ask if he knew where Quinn was. I opened the first door and found Tina and Mike in there making out. Even they didn't notice me. I tried the next room and found it empty. The next room was an occupied bathroom. In the last room, Finn's bedroom, I walked in and found Quinn sitting on the bed, facing away from me.

"Quinn?" I asked. My voice was barely above a whisper. I was nervous and uncomfortable, but I felt better having found her. She sniffled and glanced over her should at me. Her eyes were red and puffy. "Quinn, what's wrong?"

I rushed to her side and sat on the bed next to her, reaching for her hand.

"We broke up." She whispered.

"Finn broke up with you?" I was sad. Sad to see her hurting, sad to see her in pain. This was the most bittersweet moment I had ever encountered. I was glad they weren't together any more, obviously, but I felt so guilty at liking something that obviously hurt her so much.

"He said he _cheated_ on me." New tears fell from her eyes. "While I was at_ fucking_ Bible Camp. He said he was missing me and she, whoever _she_ is, seduced him. He said he couldn't stop himself because he wanted to have sex so badly. And I would never do it with him, so he made it sound like it was my fault."

"That's complete bullshit." The words flew out of my mouth before I knew what I saying. "How could he say that? It is not your fault, Quinn, not at all. This all on him. He's a tool. I can't believe he would do this to you."

"Rachel, he's a guy."

"Is that what he told you? That it's not as bad because he's a _guy_? That has nothing to do with the fact that he cheated on you. Girls want to have sex just as much as guys do. We are just as easily seduced as they are. It's completely sexist to think otherwise. He can't use his body as an excuse for what he did to you."

She looked at me. "You're right. You're absolutely right. He's an idiot. I mean, I want to have sex probably just as much as he does."

"Right, it's just against your religious beliefs to do it before you're married. He should have respected that."

"Well, I really don't care about that." She sighed. "I just never wanted to do it with _him_. God, he's a horrible kisser. I didn't even want to think about how bad he'd be in bed."

"Or that works too, I guess."

She laughed and squeezed my hand and smiled at me. "Thank you, Rachel. I mean, I wasn't really that upset, I suppose, but it's nice to have someone to talk to. I'm glad you came tonight, but I really don't think I'm in the partying mood. I'll probably just go home or something."

"Could I be that 'or something'?" I smiled back.

"Sure." She stood. "But one thing before we go."

And that's when Quinn picked up the lamp on Finn's nightstand and threw it out of his window. We ran, holding hands and laughing, out of the room and through the party and out into the night.

We went to the park near Finn's house. We ran to the jungle gym and played on the monkey bars and went down the slides and eventually ended up on the swings.

"Rachel?" Her voice was gentle and quiet. She stared down at her feet as they dug up parallel lines in the sand, her swing moving calmly back and forth while the moon illuminated her. She looked beautiful in the moonlight. She looked beautiful in any light.

"Yeah?" I made an effort to not stare at her too much, so I chose to look at the houses across the street. Their lights were out. Everyone was in their homes, sleeping in their beds. For a moment I wondered if they'd ever know that across the road at the park two teenage girls were about to have the most important conversation that their friendship had seen yet.

"What do you want to do with your life?" She asked.

"Like a career?"

"Sure."

"I want to sing on Broadway."

"I figured." She smiled. "What did you want to be when you were little?"

"A star. I've always wanted to perform for an audience. Broadway has been my dream for as long as I can remember. What about you?"

"When I was little, I wanted to be a missionary. Go to poor countries, teach the people about Christianity and Jesus Christ, maybe help build a few churches."

"What about now?"

"I don't know. My dad thought the missionary thing was really nice. My mom wants me to be a wife though. She wants to me to find a nice husband with a nice job, settle down with him, get a big house, pop out a few kids, and live as a housewife."

"That sounds like a really boring life."

"It was my backup plan." She laughed to herself. "Go spread the word of God, or sit at home and be some guy's wife. Neither sounds very appealing anymore."

"You're a good singer. You could probably make it anywhere doing that. You seem to really enjoy it."

"I do." She nodded. "But my parents would never approve of that type of life. I can already hear them trying to convince me not to do it."

"Broadway is a very respectable career though."

"Not Broadway." She bit her bottom lip for a few moments. "I want to be in a band. I want to be the lead singer of a band. One that does a lot of Indie stuff but has that punk rock sort of edge to it. I want to be on a stage in front of a crowd that has a mosh pit. One that you could go crowd surfing on."

She smiled and laughed to herself again. "My parents…" She laughed harder. "…would disown me."

"For following your dream?" I asked.

"Yes." She stopped laughing suddenly, her face falling.

"Are you close with them?"

"Yeah, I guess." She shrugged. "We get along fine. I've never really fought with them. They're under the impression that they've got this perfect little daughter."

"I say they do."

She looked at me with a look I couldn't quite place an emotion with, so I decided to elaborate.

"I think you're pretty perfect. Just look at you. You're beautiful, talented, you have an amazing voice, you're one of the nicest people I've ever met, you're really smart, you're dedicated, and you're just different from all the other girls at school. You're not snobby or stuck up or whatever. You're sweet and nice. You accept people for who they are. You're _Quinn Fabray_."

She just stared at me. I couldn't tell what she was thinking or how my compliments had made her feel. She just stared. After a while she stood and reached for my hand. I put mine in hers and stood.

There, at a park I can't name, in a town I can't wait to leave, in the middle of a lovely summer night, Quinn pulled me into a hug that lasted for several minutes, and then kissed my cheek. I could feel the heat of her skin against mine, the softness of her lips, her warm breath on my cheek. I had never wanted to kiss a person's lips more than in that moment. When she pulled back she smiled and grabbed my hand and held it as we walked through the park, not saying anything. It was a comfortable silence.

When we parted ways almost an hour later, she said to me, "Goodnight, Rachel. You know, you're really something."

I didn't know what "something" meant to Quinn, but I hoped it meant something good.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

* * *

><p>When my junior year started, I had no idea what to expect. I got to hang out with Quinn two more times after the party at Finn's, but one time was at a movie so we didn't talk much and the other was at the library where we did our upcoming English class's summer assignment together. Neither of those times was as special or nice as the camping trip or the park. We talked pretty regularly via texting, though, and even a phone call every now and then. We talked about celebrities and Broadway musicals and our families and school and our musical dreams and, unfortunately, a lot about Finn.<p>

Quinn and Finn no longer talked to each other, which made our Glee Club class on the first day back fairly awkward. She missed him, but she said she wasn't exactly sure why. I heard about every bad habit he had, every stupid or offensive comment he'd ever said in front of her, and quite a few secrets that she said she wasn't even sorry that she was sharing. But above all, Quinn speculated on who he had cheated on her with. The suspect list was long and the potentials varied greatly, but she was determined to find out who it was. Half the time she was convinced it was a fellow Cheerio, which really bothered her. She felt even more betrayed those times.

But I was always there to calm her down or just to listen, which she always thanked me for. She said she loved being able to talk to me and loved our friendship. She loved our _friendship_. Just the way it was.

But anyway, on that first day, I ended up having English with Quinn again, but I got stuck in two other classes with Finn as well. I didn't like seeing him. I'd imagined telling him off for hurting Quinn all summer, and actually seeing him only strengthened my desire to yell and scream and just utterly verbally assault him.

After school that day, me and Quinn got ice cream together.

The next few months were about the same as the end of the summer had been, only there was a significantly greater amount of singing, rehearsing, dancing, and studying. I was still only getting to see Quinn outside of school about once every other week. We still texted almost every day, but our texting conversations were trivial. I wanted real conversations.

In the middle of November, my dads decided to go on a trip to New York to see one of their favorite Broadway performances. It was an anniversary of theirs. Not their official one, but one of their first kiss or first date or something. I can never remember.

So I invited Quinn over to stay the night. And I was very pleased when she said she'd be there. Quinn showed up that Friday night already in her pajamas. Short shorts that said _CHEER _on the butt and a Nirvana t-shirt. She looked beautiful, as always.

"Ready to party?" She smiled and winked after I opened the door for her. I showed her around the house and we went to the kitchen and got some snacks and returned to my room. We popped in a sappy romance novel and munched on some popcorn but it only took about an hour before we were too busy having a conversation to pay attention to the movie anymore.

"I know right?" She laughed. "I couldn't believe it either."

"Tell me one more I time." I laughed.

"Okay, so we were just sitting at the movies, having a pleasant time, enjoying being seventh graders on our first date together. And all of sudden I see this shadow looming over me and his arm slaps down on my shoulders and next thing I know he's pulling me towards him and trying to kiss me, tongue first and lips last, and his hand is totally going for my boob."

We laughed and laughed at that story, making little jokes about it until the movie we had playing ended.

"I don't know what I would even do if a guy did that to me." I said.

"What about if a girl did it?" She asked it so casually and smoothly, like it was no big deal that she was finally getting around to asking about my sexuality.

"Depends on which girl's hand is trying to grab on to my boob. Some girls at our school have some pretty ridiculous nails." We both laughed again.

"True, true." She nodded. "But what if it was someone who didn't have crazy nails. What if it was a girl who liked you or something?"

"You mean…_like _likes me?" I felt like I was back in middle school.

"Yeah." She was watching me, waiting to see what I would say. The smile on her lips was almost mischievous.

"I don't know. It just depends on the girl, really." I stared at the television screen.

"So, if a boy did it, you wouldn't want him to. But if it was a girl who liked you and that you liked back, you would like it?" She asked slowly.

"I guess." I shrugged. I knew I was blushing, which made me feel even more embarrassed.

"So if you had to kiss, say, Mike or Tina, which one would you kiss?"

"Why do I have to choose between them?"

"Okay, fine, Puck and Santana."

"Santana." I answered. Santana was a beautiful girl, definitely not my type, but a far better choice than Puck.

"You probably shouldn't tell Brittany that." She laughed.

"Yeah. Yeah, probably not." I tried to laugh with her. I felt awkward.

"It's okay, you know." She reached over and grabbed my hand with hers. "I'm not homophobic or anything like my parents are. I understand it's who you are. I don't care. You're still the same girl to me, the same friend. Actually, you're more like a best friend nowadays."

"Really?" I looked up at her and she smiled.

"Yeah. Is that weird?"

"No, not at all." I had upgraded, which was nice, but it felt like being pushed deeper into the vast black hole of the friend zone.

"So, just for clarification, what do you call yourself?" She asked.

"Rachel." I answered flatly.

"I know that." She giggled. "But like, what do you identify as?"

"I don't need labels. I'm me, you're you, my dads are my dads, Kurt is Kurt, and Santana and Brittany are Santana and Brittany. I don't understand the point of labeling something that doesn't really have anything to do with who you really are as a person. Who you love and who you choose to be with and who you have sex with all have nothing to do with if you're a good person or not, so what do they matter? They're just details about someone, really. I like to sing and I like a girl, but I'm Rachel Berry and there's a lot more to me than that."

"You amaze me." She smiled, and, as an afterthought, added, "You like a girl? What girl? Who?"

"Oh, um." I hadn't realized that I had let that part slip out.

"Aw, are you really not going to tell me?" Her bottom lip was pushed out and her eyes were big. "Please, I promise I won't tell anyone. You can trust me, Rachel. I'm just curious, as one of your _best friends_."

"I…I wasn't being literal. Just, figurative. You know. Like if I did like a girl. Or something. Something like that. I didn't mean, no, I mean, yeah, I didn't it like that. Sorry."

"Oh." She didn't believe me. "Okay." She sighed. "Well, what movie should we watch next?"

She put in another movie and we talked about the actors and the filming and soon the awkwardness faded away. Halfway through the movie we turned off the lights and got under some blankets, which forced us to sit close on my already small bed.

When the movie ended, I realized Quinn had fallen asleep. I poked her cheek and slowly she stirred and yawned and stretched.

"Did I fall asleep?" She squinted at the television.

"Yeah."

"What time is it?"

"About two in the morning."

"That's all?" She pushed herself up so that she was sitting. "I usually don't fall asleep that soon. I don't know what happened."

"What'd you do that made you so tired today?" I pushed myself up as well.

"Nothing out of the ordinary." She ran her hands through her hair. "But I didn't sleep too well last night, so maybe that was it."

"Do you normally have trouble sleeping or something?" I watched her. She looked beautiful, sitting there half asleep next to me with the soft glow from the television on her as she combed through her hair.

"Depends."

"On what?"

"A lot. I don't know. Stress, mostly."

"Whenever I have a big performance or an audition I can't sleep the night before."

She looked at me. "It's not nerves…just…I don't know. Stressing out over parents or friends or school or…boys." She shook her head. "I need to pee."

She tossed the blankets off of her and stood, walking towards the door. It was only a few seconds after she went from the carpet to the tiled hall floor outside that she slipped and fell on to her back in my doorway. I rushed to her side, both of us laughing.

"Are you okay?" I said in between giggles.

"Yeah." She winced through her laughter. "But my ass hurts."

It was then that I noticed that at some point in the fall or the landing her shirt had flown and revealed her stomach and the bottom edge of her sports bra. I would have been excited to see that much abdominal region skin but I was too caught off guard by the long horizontal scar running parallel to her bra's edge. It was fairly new and it was so straight and thin that I knew immediately that it had to have come from a knife or other sharp blade.

"How'd you get that cut?" I asked.

She stopped laughing instantly and pulled down her shirt, sitting up and turning to look at me. "Oh, it's nothing. Really. I have to use your bathroom."

And just as quickly as she had fallen, she was up and heading down the hall. She was in the bathroom with the door shut before I even had the chance to stand up.

After four or five minutes I went to the bathroom door and knocked. "Quinn?" I waited. "Quinn, are you okay? You've been in there for a while."

"Fine. I'm fine." She answered quickly.

"Okay, I was just checking." I started to back away but I heard a sniffle and stood there trying to figure out what I should do. I didn't want to barge in and make her angry but I didn't want to go back to my room and do nothing. So I just stood there in the dark hallway and stared at the yellowish light coming from the bottom of the closed bathroom door.

Eventually she opened the door, and with tears streaming down her shaking face she said, "I'm sorry. I just, I can't deal with this and I'm sorry I'm breaking down here I just can't stop it and I'm sorry it's just happening and I can't help it."

I shushed her and stepped into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me, and led her to the side of the tub. I sat her down and put my arm around her and let her cry on my shoulder until she could control her sobs. I only hoped that it wasn't about Finn.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, her head on my shoulder. "We were having such a nice time."

"No, it's okay. Really. It's not your fault."

"But it is. If I could just pull myself together none of this would be happening."

"Can I ask what made you so upset?"

She was quiet for a little while before she answered, "I don't know. A lot of different things."

"Stressful things?"

"Yeah, stressful things."

"The same things that kept you up last night?"

"Most nights." She sighed.

"You're under a lot of pressure, Quinn, it's understandable."

"I'm trying so hard. Everyone wants something from me. My parents want me to be their perfect little Christian schoolgirl daughter, the other Cheerios want me to come up with new routines to win us Nationals, my teachers want me to run every stupid club and be in charge of every stupid dance and fundraiser event and everything else, Glee Club wants me to be at every rehearsal and memorize every dance routine and song, and my friends want me to be there for them all the time but for stupid reasons like what to wear on dates or to pick sides in fights. But there's all these other things I want to do myself like read more books and learn more instruments and get a band together and perform with them without my parents finding out and that's not even mentioning everything else that's bothering me all the time. I just want all of the pressure to go away. I want to stop worrying so much. I want so much and I can't change anything. I have to be perfect. I have to handle the responsibility, people are counting on me. They think so highly of me, I can't just let them all down. Why does it have to be such a big deal? Why can't I handle everything?"

"Breaking under pressure is normal, Quinn. How is anyone supposed to sanely do all of the things that you do?"

"That's not the point." She moved to put her face in her hands and her elbows against her knees.

"What is then?"

"God, I don't know. The point is that I have to do it. Okay? I just have to."

I felt unreasonably angry and her inability to reason with me.

"Then just do it." I crossed my arms.

"I can't." She let out a frustrated groan. "I just…I _should be able to_, I have to, but I can't. It's so much, I just…I don't know…I can't, but I have to. I have to be perfect."

"Quinn." My anger faded away when I heard the fragility in her voice. "I don't know what to say. I don't know how to help."

"It's okay." She sat up and wiped away her tears. "I'm fine. I'm sorry I did this here. It was stupid."

"No, no, you can talk to me, I just don't know what to say. So, I guess I'm just better at listening."

"It's ironic, don't you think?" She asked, standing up and running water into the sink. I waited until she was done splashing water on to her face to ask her what's ironic. When she was done drying her face on the hand towels by the door, she turned and said, "That Rachel Berry, the lead singer of New Directions thinks she's better at keeping quiet and listening than using her voice."

She sat down on the side of the tub next to me again.

I looked at her. "I'm just not good with these situations. But I'm here for you. I really am."

"I know." She grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

"How'd you get that scar?" I asked abruptly. I don't know why I asked so suddenly. As soon as it crossed my mind I blurted it out, surprising both of us. She stared at me and let go of my hand.

"Why does it matter? It's just a scar."

"You didn't…do that to yourself, did you?"

"No." She answered too quickly. "Of course not, Rachel, why would I cut myself? And there? Of all places? People cut their wrists."

"Not if they don't _ever_ want people to _ever_ see." I said quietly. She looked at the floor, refusing to make eye contact with me. New tears brimmed her eyes. "Quinn, you can tell me about it. Did someone else do that to you?"

"No." She whispered as tears streamed down her cheeks again.

"So you did it?" I found that my own voice had lowered to a whisper.

Slowly, almost unnoticeably, she nodded.

"Because of the pressure and stress?" I asked, not sure if I should reach out for her hand or really what to do at all.

She nodded again but then stopped and whispered, "I don't know. I don't want to talk about it. No one knows, and it's just a one time thing, so you can't tell anyone. Okay? Promise me. Swear to me, Rachel. I don't want to wake up tomorrow to see a million statuses on Facebook about how Quinn Fabray is a cutter or something stupid like that."

"No, I would never tell anyone. I swear, I won't tell."

She looked into my eyes and in hers I saw something and I thought for a moment that maybe I should ask more about this scar and maybe I shouldn't let her not talk about it but I didn't ask any more questions I just followed her back into the bedroom and we went to sleep and that was that.

The next morning we pretended that nothing happened. I didn't mention scars and she didn't mention girls. We talked about pointless things over breakfast and then she left and I felt that I should have said more but I didn't. I was left wondering if maybe swearing not to tell anyone was a horrible idea. Wondering if maybe telling someone was the first thing I should have done.

I still to this day wonder if things would have turned out differently if I had.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

* * *

><p>After the sleepover with Quinn, we pretended like nothing happened. But I still worried. I tried to pay more attention to her, but at school she was always the same bubbly Quinn Fabray that everyone thought she was. Now that I knew there was something going on with her, I couldn't help but notice how amazing she was at acting like nothing was wrong. It made me wonder just how long she'd been bending under all the pressure and stress. But I didn't think to wonder how much longer she could go before she wouldn't be able to bend anymore at all.<p>

Her family went on vacation during Fall Break so I didn't get to talk to her much. But the day we got back, Mr. Schue assigned us the task of singing in pairs and the moment he wrote "duos" on the board, Quinn turned to me and grabbed my hand.

"Normally, I would be first in line to be your partner." She glanced over her shoulder at the new boy. "But Sam was talking to me before class and he's really nice and cute and I think I'll partner up with him. Wish me luck." She winked and moved to sit by him.

I turned to my other side to see Kurt staring at me.

"Well, well, well." He sighed. "Look who finally remembered I exist."

"Kurt, come on, you know how it is." I crossed my arms.

"Oh, I know how it is. And before you get your grandma panties in a bunch, I'm not mad at you, but I'm going to be working with Mercedes on this one." He patted the top of my head as he stood and walked away.

I looked around the room and noticed that only one other person didn't have a duo partner. I internally cringed as Finn Hudson locked eyes with me, smiled, and started to walk my way. I tried to think of an excuse to not work with him but I knew it was no use.

He sat down, his size towering over me, and smiled. "Looks like we'll be singing together. Okay, so I know you've got your whole superstar diva thing going on and you like sing Cher and Barbara Walters or whatever, but I was thinking we should do something a little different you know, like…"

He droned on and on about what we should sing but I wasn't paying attention to him. My eyes were over his shoulder at Quinn and Sam Evans. They were flirting with each other, I could see that clearly.

The bell rang soon after that and, overcome with jealousy and disappointment, I fled the room as soon as I could. The next day, Finn found me at my locker and asked for my number so that we could get together after school one day and practice singing together before we performed in front of everyone Friday.

I let him choose our song, because it saved me the trouble of arguing and having to spend more time with him than necessary, but in the end it was a decent choice so I didn't have much to complain about. _Don't Go Breaking My Heart _by Elton John and Kiki Dee.

So that Thursday night, I went to his house and met his mother and we practiced for a good two hours in his living room. He was a lot nicer and polite than I had expected him to be, considering the things that Quinn had revealed about him to me. I remember wondering if any of the things she said were legitimately true or if she had just exaggerated them in her anger.

His mom came into the room around eight thirty and told us we were sounding great and that she had to go run a quick errand. She left and suddenly I was hit with the fact that I was alone in a house with the decently attractive and certainly popular quarterback of McKinley High.

He sat down on the couch and said he needed to rest a minute so I sat down on the far other side.

"You're a really great singer." He stated, breaking the awkward silence that had fallen over us.

"Thanks. So are you."

"Yeah, thanks." He nodded and put his hands in his lap. "So. You're pretty good friends with Quinn now, right?"

"Yeah."

"That must be awkward."

"It's not awkward at all." I looked over at him.

"Oh, no, not like your friendship or whatever, but like being here. With me. Like this situation. That we're in. Yeah." He shook his head.

"Oh, no, it's okay." I shrugged even though we both knew it was indeed awkward. I wanted to leave, and I was about to make up an excuse to get home but he started talking again.

"So, um, I know it's kind of weird to ask you but does she ever talk about me?" He stared directly at me until I answered.

"I don't know." I knew Quinn wouldn't want me to tell him how much she talked about him to begin with but I also wasn't good at lying under pressure like this. "Does it really matter? You guys are over."

He looked down at his hands. "She likes that new kid Sam, doesn't she?"

"Why don't you just talk to her?"

"She hasn't talked to me in months." He sighed. "Does she say anything about not returning my calls?"

"I didn't even know you called her." I told him truthfully. Quinn hadn't said anything about him trying to talk to her.

"Oh." He got quiet.

"You still like her, don't you?" I asked softly.

"It doesn't matter now." He looked at the wall across the room intensely. I half expected him to get up and storm out the room, but he didn't.

"Why did you cheat on her?" I asked. I knew the question was probably a little too personal or out of line, but he didn't seem to care. It was almost like he expected to be asked.

"It's complicated." He shrugged, but then he sat there and leaned his head back on the couch and let out a short dry laugh and stared at the ceiling while he added, "It's not complicated at all. I wanted to have sex, Quinn didn't, I held out for a while but couldn't take it anymore and I got selfish and stupid and so drunk that I just didn't care about anything but sex…and _she_ was there. After we did it, I felt so bad. It wasn't worth it. Not that it wasn't good, God, it was amazing, but I just felt so guilty and wrong and I was just disgusted with myself. I knew what I did was horrible and I knew Quinn deserved better, so I told her I cheated on her. And here we are."

"But _you_ broke up with her. Didn't you?"

"The other girl…she had said before that she wanted to be with more than Quinn ever would. But when I tried to get with her, she turned me down. She said Quinn would know it was her."

"I guess there's no point in asking who it was?"

"I can't say. I told her I wouldn't." He sighed.

"Yeah, well, when you go out with a person, you're not supposed to cheat on them." I blurted out. He looked at me with confusion that quickly turned into such genuine sadness that I had look away from him.

"Fuck." He groaned, hitting his head back against the couch again. He sat there with hands balled into fists on his lap and his eyes shut tight. "Why am I so stupid."

"You were right, you know." I waited until he opened his eyes and looked at me to continue. "Quinn deserves better."

"And you think that Sam guy is better? No one even knows him!" He sat up, more angry than I had ever seen him before.

"He seems like a nice guy to me."

He stood up, defeated, and said, "Yeah, well, I seem like a nice guy to people too. That doesn't mean anything."

About that time, Finn's mom got home and I decided it was time to leave.

We performed the next day and sounded pretty good. But we were no match for the beautiful and perfect performance that Quinn and Sam gave. Everyone gave them a standing ovation and I knew it would only be a matter of time.

That night I texted Quinn and asked her about them, and she said that he was nice and cute but she'd have to think about it a little more.

On the following Monday, Kurt told me about how bad a few members of the football team had been harassing him that year. Together we went and told the principal, but nothing was done.

By the end of that week, Quinn and Sam were dating.

I got to hang out with Quinn a few more times the next few months, but Sam was always there because even though he saw her more than I did he still didn't get to see her that much either. Quinn's schedule had become even more hectic.

At the end of April was Prom.

I went with Kurt and Mercedes, Quinn went with Sam, Santana went with Puck and Brittany went with Artie (which, I was told by Kurt, happened so that Santana could stay in the close), Mike and Tina went together, and Finn went with the Cheerio that had sat next to Quinn in our English class the previous year.

The moment that I saw them in the gym that night dancing together, I knew this was the girl he cheated on Quinn with. I spent the majority of Prom looking for Quinn to see if she had realized it too, but I couldn't find her. I knew she had to be there, she'd been talking about her dress for weeks and she was on the committee that prepared the whole thing. She had to be there.

But I never saw her, so I gave up and danced with Kurt and Mercedes and had fun. When they cut the music and started announcing Prom King and Queen nominees for seniors and Prince and Princess nominees for juniors, I was relieved. Quinn would be up there soon.

But when Mr. Figgins called her name, she was nowhere to be found. While he called up the other nominees for the junior class, I left the gym and out in the hall I tried calling Quinn. She didn't pick up but I saw Sam sitting on the floor down the hall outside the restrooms.

"Sam?" I rushed over to him. "Sam, is Quinn in there? They're calling her on stage."

He looked up at me, his eyes red and a significant amount of vomit smeared across his suit jacket.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yup." He said flatly, raising a flask to his lips.

"Where's Quinn?" I asked again.

"Take a guess." He slurred.

I went into the restroom but it was quiet. I looked under the stalls and saw a pair of heels in the farthest one. "Quinn?"

I think I startled her because she dropped something and the small clinking noise it made tore through the silence like lightning.

I walked over to the stall and tried to pull it open but she had it locked. "Quinn, are you okay?"

"Fine." She answered quickly, grabbing whatever she dropped and opening the door. "I'm fine."

I was speechless at how she looked. On a normal day, Quinn Fabray is beautiful. But on that night, she looked so breathtakingly stunning that her beauty hit you like smack in the face.

"Rachel?" She smiled at me as she walked over the sink and started washing her hands. "Are _you _okay?"

"Quinn, you look so beautiful." I looked at her through the mirror's reflection.

She smiled. "Thank you."

Then I remembered why I had gone looking for her. "Oh! Quinn! They're announcing Prom Princess and stuff. They called your name."

"Already?" She shrugged. "Oh, that's alright."

I was surprised at her lack of care, so I just stood there until after she had dried her hands.

"You look so pretty." She said, walking over to me and fixing my hair. She had the smile that she wore at school on. I knew it was cover up smile.

"What's wrong with Sam? Did you guys fight?" I asked.

She played with my hair a little more before she said, "He's just an angry drunk, that's all."

"Why's he drinking so much tonight?"

"Why does anyone drink ever?" She laughed. The tone was off. It wasn't the laugh that I loved.

"Quinn, I know something's wrong." I said quietly.

She stared down into my eyes, her heels made her quite a bit taller than me. Her voice was soft, but there was something off in her eyes. Something wrong. "Rachel, come on, let's go have some fun. It's Prom."

"No, there's something going on." I took a step away from her and pointed to the stall she had been in. "What were you doing in there?"

She used her fake laugh again. "Rachel, it's a bathroom stall. What do you think I was doing?"

"You didn't flush." I crossed my arms. "You washed your hands, but you did flush. You were in there doing something else. What did you drop when I came in?"

She dropped her smile and stared hard at me. I'd never seen her look this way before. "Stop. Please, just stop whatever it is that you think you're doing. You're not Nancy Drew, this isn't some big mystery for you to solve. This is a school dance, _which we're missing_. There's nothing to figure out. There's nothing wrong."

"I don't believe you." I dropped my arms. "Quinn, you can talk to me."

"I know what you're thinking, but stop. I told you, nothing's wrong." She walked towards the door. "I'm going back in there."

"You were never in there." I called after her. She stopped and turned to me.

"Yes I was."

"No. You weren't. I looked for you. All night, I looked for you. I asked people if they saw you. No one saw you."

"You realize how creepy and stalkerish this is sounding, right?" She stepped closer. "I really don't need that right now."

"Look, I know you're dealing with a lot, I just want to help. I was looking for you to see if you were okay because Finn brought that girl and…" I stopped after I saw the look Quinn got on her face.

"That girl?" She whispered. "He brought…you mean he's here with the girl he cheated on me with?"

At first I thought she was going to cry but before I could say anything she yanked the door open and was running as fast as she could towards the gym. I followed her, a drunk and stumbling Sam attempting to follow us as well.

She was faster than I was in heels, so I made it to the doors just in time to see her grabbing the hand of the girl Finn had been dancing with. She pulled the girl towards the doors, and Finn was angrily following. About that time Sam showed up too.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Finn shouted, grabbing the girl's other hand and stopping them.

Quinn turned around and looked up at Finn and pointed at the girl. "_Terry_? You cheated on me with _Terry_?"

"What?" Terry dropped Finn's hand. "Whoa, no that was not me. Quinn, I swear that wasn't me."

Finn rolled his eyes. "Of course you would think that. No, it wasn't Terry."

"What are you people talking about?" Sam put his hand on Quinn's shoulder. "Quinn is with me, alright?"

"Hey, no one's talking you." Finn pushed him away from Quinn. Suddenly everyone was yelling things at once and somehow Finn and Sam started punching each other and rolling on the ground. But Quinn's attention was on Terry Jenkins.

"It was you, why else would you be here with him!" She yelled.

Terry looked like she might cry but she shook her head and said, "No! No, Quinn, I swear, no, it wasn't me. I would never. You know I was with Tommy when you and Finn were together."

"Well if it wasn't you than who the hell was it?" Quinn's glare looked like it could kill. And that's what broke Terry's resistance.

"Santana!" She yelled. "It was Santana!"

Everything stopped then. Finn and Sam stopped fighting and Quinn stopped looking like she might strangle Terry and the song that had been playing in the gym stopped as they switched tracks.

Quinn looked at Finn, who looked up from the ground at her. Then he stood up and without saying a word he left the building. Quinn apologized to Terry and told her that she knew it never could have been her and that seemed to be enough to calm Terry down.

Quinn turned to Sam and told him to get off the ground and go home, but he laid there with blood dripping from his nose and just groaned. Then she turned to me and told me that I should go back to the dance and have a good time.

"No, Quinn, I'm so confused." My mind was racing as I tried to keep up with what was going on. "I don't understand. Why would Santana sleep with Finn? That doesn't make any sense."

Quinn gave me a look and grabbed my hand and pulled me away from the doors and away from Terry and the groaning Sam. We ended up in the choir room.

She leaned against the piano with her arms crossed over her chest, but she didn't look angry.

"Is there something that I'm not getting here?" I asked, sitting on the piano bench.

She bit her bottom lip and stood there for a few minutes before she answered. "Rachel, are you out of the closet?"

"What?" I stumbled over my words. "I…what does that…I mean I'm not in a closet but…wait, what?"

"I know you're not into labels and I respect that, but you like girls, right?" She didn't wait for me to answer. "But people don't know that. They see you and think you're straight and just like them and they go on with their day."

"Yeah." I had no idea where she was going with this.

"Santana…" She stopped to choose her words more carefully. "Santana is in the closet. We know she's in love with Brittany and that the two are practically meant to be, and everyone knows Brittany is down to screw any gender, they know that and they don't care because, well, it's _Brittany_, but no one knows about Santana. There are speculations, but she's not out. She wants people to think she's straight. She doesn't want to come out yet."

"But that's exactly why she wouldn't sleep with Finn."

"No, Rachel, that's exactly why she _would _sleep with him."

"But Finn told me that the girl he cheated on you with wanted to be with him. He said something about her saying she wanted to be with him more than you did but after he broke up with you she wouldn't date him because then you would know that it was her." I hadn't told her about the conversation I had had with Finn.

"And you believed him?" She looked at me. "Finn is biggest bullshitter there ever was."

"I really think he was telling the truth." I said quietly. He had seemed so genuine and honest.

"Don't you remember about how I told you the whole time we dated he would go to online chat rooms and jerk off on camera hoping some girl would show him her boobs?" She turned around and faced me.

"What does that have to do with…" She cut me off.

"I found out because I caught him. He told me he went to the gym on Wednesday afternoons and one day I ran into his mom at the grocery store and we got to talking and she said something about him being home studying and I knew for a fact that he had told me he was at the gym. I asked his mom to give me a ride to their house, found out that Finn had never gone to the gym a day in his life on the way, and when I went upstairs and opened his door he was sitting in his chair with his webcam on his dick and ChatRoulette up on his computer."

"That doesn't mean he lied about this though." I defended.

"After I caught him he ran into the bathroom to finish what he was doing, _after_ he tried to get me to have sex right then and there with him while his mom was downstairs. So I checked his Internet history. Later he told me some bullshit about how that was a one time thing but he was visiting that site all the time. And I checked his Facebook messages, while I was on there. That's how I found out he lied about talking to about twenty different girls at our school during the times me and him weren't together, and I found out that he helped some football guys glue Kurt's lawn ornaments to his roof, _and _I found out how many disgusting and completely homophobic and degrading things he says to his stupid jock friends."

She had me convinced. "Well, he had me fooled. I feel really stupid now."

She sat down next to me on the piano bench. "At least you didn't date the asshole."

"Why did you keep getting back with him? If you knew all that stuff, why stay with him?" I asked as she gently touched the piano keys.

"Personal reasons."

"Like what?"

She grinned and glanced at me. "Always so stubborn and persistent."

"You know me." I smiled back.

"Finn's a moron." She said simply. "He didn't notice much. I never had to worry about him seeing me any other way than how he wanted to see me. Now, _Sam_, on the other hand, isn't like that. He's sweet. It didn't take him long at all to figure things out. "

"When you say figure things out, you mean?"

"That I'm…struggling with everything." She answered quietly, her fingers starting to play an actual song.

"Why did he drink so much tonight?"

"You ask a lot of questions."

"Sorry. I just…I'm curious. But you're right, it's none of my business."

"Sing me a song."

"What?"

She took her hands off the keys and smiled. "You heard me. Come on, sing me something."

"I don't know what to sing."

"Anything. I don't care. I just want to hear you sing."

The first song that came to mind was one that I hadn't thought of in years. The song that had been stuck in my head on the first day of high school. The first day that I had a class with Quinn. The song that had made me a little late getting to that class, which had made me take the last seat, which was near her. The song that led me to her.

It had been years, but I knew the words by heart.

"And I'd give up forever to touch you  
>'Cause I know that you feel me somehow<br>You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
>And I don't want to go home right now<p>

And all I can taste is this moment  
>And all I can breathe is your life<br>And sooner or later it's over  
>I just don't wanna miss you tonight<p>

And I don't want the world to see me  
>'Cause I don't think that they'd understand<br>When everything's made to be broken  
>I just want you to know who I am<p>

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
>Or the moment of truth in your lies<br>When everything feels like the movies  
>Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive<p>

And I don't want the world to see me  
>'Cause I don't think that they'd understand<br>When everything's made to be broken  
>I just want you to know who I am<p>

And I don't want the world to see me  
>'Cause I don't think that they'd understand<br>When everything's made to be broken  
>I just want you to know who I am<p>

And I don't want the world to see me  
>'Cause I don't think that they'd understand<br>When everything's made to be broken  
>I just want you to know who I am<p>

I just want you to know who I am  
>I just want you to know who I am<br>I just want you to know who I am"

It became unbearably quiet. She sat there, staring deep into my eyes, her brows pulled together and lips slightly apart. I didn't know what to do, so I did nothing. I just looked back at her.

"Why did you pick that song?" Her voice was almost a whisper.

"I don't know." I answered. My voice was shaking.

"Did you just pick it just because you knew it or did you pick it for a reason?"

"What would it matter?"

"Just answer me."

"I picked it for a reason."

I was almost knocked off the bench by the movement, but the next thing I knew I was being tightly pressed against Quinn in a hug.

"What was that for?" I asked as she let me go.

"The song. It was beautiful. Thank you." She smiled and stood. "Now, let's stop fussing over all of this and try to save the last bit of our junior Prom."

We went back to the dance floor and found Kurt and Mercedes and found out that we had missed Quinn winning Prom Princess but she didn't mind so we danced for the last half hour until it ended. Afterwards the Glee Club, minus Finn and Sam, went to eat at a 24 hour diner. Halfway through the meal, Quinn and Santana went to the bathroom. I was the only one who noticed that they were gone for over ten minutes. But when they came back, it was like nothing happened. They acted the same as they normally did.

We found out the next day that a few jock friends got Sam out of the school before any teachers found him. No one had heard from Finn though. At school the next week, everything was different. In Glee Club, the room seemed to be divided again. Finn, Puck, Artie, and Sam sat on one side, but a few chairs separated them from the rest of us. Finn didn't look any of us in the face.

That weekend I found out why.

"He did _what_?" I covered my hands over my gaping mouth while Quinn paced the floor of Kurt's basement located bedroom. The girls of Glee Club were all there having what Kurt told his father was a _makeover extravaganza sleepover_ so that he wouldn't be tempted to come down and check on them at all.

Santana had repeated to us what she had told Quinn that night in the bathroom.

"Yeah, the stupid oaf practically fucking_ blackmailed_ me into sleeping with him."

"How did he even find out?" Brittany asked, holding Santana's hand. "I mean, like, we're super secretive and everything. We could be secret agent spies or something."

"He said one of his friends saw us kiss somewhere. I tried to convince him that I go both ways or something but he said I was lying because of the way I look at you. He said there was only one way to prove that I'm not a dyke. And we were at a party so he could go out there and tell everyone, and we were both so drunk and I couldn't think right."

"But he had no proof." Quinn pointed out.

"Which I didn't think of." Santana groaned. "I was so scared that I just…and I had to do it…and I love you, Brit, I'm so sorry that I did that to you."

Brittany pulled Santana into the longest kiss that I had ever witnessed the two have. It felt like we were invading their privacy almost, to be there witnessing such a personal moment. They whispered things back and forth to each other while the rest of kept going with the topic of Finn.

"So what are we gonna do to him?" Mercedes asked.

"What _can_ we do?" Tina questioned.

"Girls, please." Kurt crossed one leg over the other. "This isn't some teen drama movie. We can't just get revenge on the stupid jerk character. Life doesn't work that way."

"So we should just let him get away with this?" I asked.

"We can't do anything. " Quinn said. "He'll tell people why we did it. We should just be glad he hasn't said anything about Santana already."

We talked about it a little more throughout the night, which did turn out to be some kind of makeover party, but otherwise the subject was pretty much done.

When everyone started going to sleep, I went to the bathroom. Just as I was drying off my hands and about to leave, I heard a faint knock on the door. I opened it and Quinn walked in, shutting the door gently behind her.

"Hey." I whispered.

"Hey." She whispered back.

"What's up?" I questioned.

"I just wanted to know what you thought about all this." She said, leaning against the door. I pushed myself up on to the sink counter to sit.

"I don't know. It's kind of crazy." I sighed. "So he said he'd tell everyone she's gay if she didn't sleep with him?"

"It sounds horrible when you say it like that." She paused. "I asked him about it."

"You did?" I wondered why she hadn't mentioned to everyone before.

"He said he feels horrible about it. That what Santana took as a threat, he had mostly meant as flirtatious joking."

"Do you think he's telling the truth?"

"I do." She nodded. "Finn's an asshole but he's stupid, not evil."

"So what now?" I asked.

"I don't know. But funny thing is, I'm starting not to care."

"That's good. You don't need to worry about more than you already have to."

She looked at me for a while before she said anything else.

"You know that song…the one that you sang for me during Prom?" She asked.

"Yeah?"

"I can't get it out of my head." She laughed softly. "I looked it up online, but The Goo Goo Dolls just don't sing it as well as you do."

"How did you look it up? I don't remember ever even telling you who sang it."

"You didn't. But I remembered the words. I Googled them and found out it was called Iris." She explained. "The lyrics…I love them."

"I thought you would." I shrugged.

She was quiet again before saying, "I broke up with Sam yesterday."

"What? Are you serious? Why didn't you tell me sooner? I thought everything was good between you two."

"It was. No, everything was fine. Exactly the way we had agreed for it to be, actually. But I didn't want to deal with that any more. It was just one more thing weighing me down."

"What do you mean?"

"We weren't _dating _dating." She lowered her voice. "But you can't tell anyone. It was all an agreement. Back when he first moved here, he said he wanted to be popular and I wanted to have a boyfriend so I agreed to pretend to be his girlfriend."

"What did you get out it?"

"Well, it got Finn to stop trying to call me, but mostly it gave me a nice boy to bring home to my parents. They'd been asking about Finn a lot and kept trying to get me to get back with him because they like him so much so one night I just blurted out that I'm interested in a new boy and of course they demanded more information and that was the day Sam moved there so it all worked when I told them it was the new kid."

"Oh." I nodded. "And they liked Sam?"

"Far more than they ever liked Finn. Telling them that we broke up is going to crush my mom's dreams. She was already talking about the cute blonde babies me and him would make one day."

I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything.

"What's new in your life?" She asked. "I feel like I've been telling you everything about mine."

"Nothing." I shook my head.

"Do you still like that one girl?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I never said I like a girl." I smiled.

"Let's not worry about that, let's talk about this girl. What's she like?"

"There's no girl."

"What color hair does she have?"

"No girl, Quinn."

"Do I know her?"

"Come on."

"Does she go to our school?"

"There's not girl."

"Is she in our grade?"

"Quinn."

"Is she straight?"

"I'm not listening to you anymore."

"Oh she's me, isn't she?" She batted her eyelashes playfully. She was joking, I knew that, but the question caught me off guard and I guess the look on my face gave me away because the smile on her face slowly faded and she stared at me.

I broke the silence and said, "There's a girl, but you don't know her."

A few seconds later she nodded and bit her bottom lip.

"We should get to bed." I said, and she nodded and we left the bathroom.

I was unable to sleep. I wondered what Quinn was thinking. I wondered if she thought I liked her now. I wondered if Finn or Santana was telling the truth or if either of their versions was accurate.

I thought back to all the things that had happened that school year. I thought about Prom and about how I still didn't know what her and Sam had been doing for most of it or what she had been doing in the bathroom. But I tried not to worry about it. I tried to relax and let everything be as it was.

It's probably a good thing that I had no idea what would come next.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

* * *

><p>After Prom, we only had a month left of school. I spent most of my time studying for final exams or rehearsing with New Directions for our end of the year performance.<p>

A lot happened in that final month of junior year though. Finn quit Glee Club, Sam and Mercedes started dating, Santana came out to her parents and grandmother, Kurt continued to get harassed, Mike sang for the first time and Tina helped him tell his parents that he wanted to become a professional dancer, Mr. Schue and Mrs. Pillsbury started going out, Artie and Puck went on a double date with two Cheerios, and Quinn continued to be her mysterious self.

If Quinn thought that I liked her, she didn't show it. If she was still struggling under pressure, she didn't mention it. If she was anything but perfect, there was no sign. So naturally, I was concerned.

We got to hang out the weekend after school got out. We went to the mall, and while we were sitting in the food court eating, we got to talk for the first time in a while.

"So, any plans for the summer?" She asked.

"Not really. I've been looking for a local theater production or something to audition for, but there's nothing that's caught my eye around here." I shrugged.

"Oh! Speaking of auditioning for things, I found a band that's looking for a lead singer." She grinned mischievously.

"You did?"

"Yeah! And they sound great. They're exactly the sound that I've been looking for. And they all seem like really cool people."

"Where'd you find out about them?"

"I was talking to one of the girls that works down at that little music store place by Walmart, the one that sells vinyl records and reeks of pot, you know? I love that place. Anyway, I was talking about wanting to find a band and she told me about her boyfriend's brother's friend's band that's looking for a singer because their last one moved to California or something. The band's called Sinful Melodies."

"So you're going to audition for them?"

"Already did." She smiled. "They're considering me."

"That's great, Quinn." I smiled too.

"Yeah, it was super sketchy at first because I had to go to the drummer's house across town and sing for them in his garage but after I talked to them it was alright."

"So what are they like?"

"Well first there's Steven, he's the drummer and he's kind of the band's manager. He takes care of booking gigs and handles their money. Then there's Kylie, she's Steven's best friend from growing up and she plays bass. And Olivia plays electric guitar, she's Kylie's dorm roommate. They're both majoring in music theory or something. And Tyler plays piano when they need him too. He's their other friend. They're all really cool. They've got a great indie vibe."

"So they're all in college?"

"Kylie and Olivia are. Steven graduated high school at least, but their friend Tyler is a drop out or got expelled and never went back or something. I don't know. Apparently he's only good for playing the piano and always having drugs."

"You're not…going to get into that stuff, are you?"

"I don't know." She bit her bottom lip. "Who knows what the future holds, you know?"

"Yeah, I guess." I didn't like the idea of Quinn spending time with college kids she doesn't know. I didn't like the idea of her befriending people who did drugs.

And that's when I realized that most of all, I didn't like the idea of Quinn not being The Quinn Fabray. And that's when I first started to wonder if maybe Quinn knew that. Maybe that was why she never talked to me again about her personal problems after that first sleepover at my house. Maybe she knew I was just like everyone else. Wanting the perfect Quinn, and not knowing what to say or do when she was anything else but that.

"I really hope they let me sing with them." She smiled down at her food. "It would make me beyond happy."

Quinn didn't go to Bible Camp that summer. She stayed at home and took up a tutoring job. Or at least that's what she told her parents. Really she was practicing and performing with Sinful Melodies, who, I had to admit, were pretty amazing. They mostly played at clubs or bars though, and I was still seventeen that summer so I never got to see them perform much. But twice I was able to see them at backyard parties. Those two parties are the only notable events of that summer.

The first one was around the 4th of July. Santana, Brittany, Kurt, Mercedes, Mike, Tina, and myself all rode together in Kurt's SUV and got to the party around nine. It was at a rich college kid's house in a gated community, invitation only. The party guests were restricted from entering the house, but the sixty teens and young adults who showed up made full use of the large backyard, fully stocked and convenient pool house and bathroom, and the pool.

Sinful Melodies started playing at ten and that's around the time that Kurt met the love of his life, Blaine Anderson. They spent the night by each other's sides, talking and whispering and laughing. I had never seen Kurt so happy before.

When the band was done playing, Quinn found us Glee kids and informed us that Finn, Puck, and Sam had just arrived. Everyone decided to leave, except me. Quinn offered to give me a ride home later on, and I took it.

It was close to one in the morning when me and Quinn went into the pool house and by some luck found a quiet empty storage room to sit in. The room was about as big as a small walk-in closet and filled with shelves of trophies, pictures, cans, old hats, and random objects that didn't seem to match with each other at all. It was a junk room, I decided.

I sat on a large box in the corner and Quinn leaned against the door. It reminded me of the night of prom when we were at Kurt's house in his bathroom. Only this time it was dark and dusty and the only light was the moonlight that came in through a small high up window.

"How'd you like the show?" She asked sheepishly, as if she hadn't sung amazingly.

"It was incredible, really. You guys sound so good."

"Thanks. We've been practicing so much, we better sound decent."

"Better than decent."

She smiled and looked at the ground. "Sorry I haven't been very…communicative lately. I've had a lot of stuff to do."

"Oh, no, I know. You don't have to apologize."

"I feel bad."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I just wish I could spend more time with you." She shrugged. "I hardly get to see anyone any more. The other Cheerios…they don't invite me places any more. I was driving home from a writing session with the band one night and I saw them all in the parking lot at the bowling alley. I mean, I wouldn't have gone anyway, but still…"

I didn't know what to say, so I changed the subject. "Wait, you help them write their music too?"

"Yeah." She nodded. She was distant, her mind off in another place. "Yeah, I do."

"That's neat." I felt awkward. I had no idea what to say to her, especially when she wasn't even really in the room with me. After a few minutes of silence, she snapped out of it and looked at me with such an intense gaze that at first I thought she was going to yell at me. But she blinked a few times and it went away and in the end she really just looked tired.

"It's getting late. Do you have to be home at a certain time?" She asked.

"Probably sometime soon." I didn't tell her that my dads were out of town.

"Thanks for coming tonight." She said as she pushed herself off the door. She opened her arms and I got up and met her in the middle of the small space for a hug. While holding me she added, "I really appreciate it, Rachel. But…maybe you shouldn't come to anymore."

I let her go and stared at her. "Why?"

"Well…" She bit her bottom lip and let it go so hastily that it didn't have its usual sexy appeal, but instead it seemed harsh and almost violent. "…I just don't think this is really your _crowd_."

"What does that have to do with seeing you sing? I'm here for you, not for the other people." I answered, crossing my arms defensively.

"Okay." She nodded and looked away.

"Is everything okay, Quinn?" I asked.

And that's when she snapped.

She looked straight into my eyes. She was furious, her cheeks were turning red, her jaw was clenched, her expression was a cross between pain and hatred, and her hands were balled into shaking fists.

"God dammit, Rachel! This is exactly why I don't want you to come to these things. This is exactly why I don't tell you anything. There's just _always something wrong with poor Quinn_. Isn't that right! I can't deal with your constant suspicion. You look at me like I'm a child, like I could just break down any second, well I'm not! I don't need a babysitter, okay? I can take care of myself. I don't need you to look out for me. I've got it under control. God, I talk to you _one time_ about my problems…and you just…there's nothing to worry about, okay? I'm tired of you always asking questions and asking if I'm okay. _I'm okay_, okay? So you don't have to worry about me. I'm fine. I'm perfectly fine. I'm _fine_."

She stared sobbing and fell to her knees. I knelt down in front of her, not sure what she would do if I reached out to her, so I just stayed like that.

"Quinn…"

"No!" She cried, covering her face with her hands and falling back on to her butt on the cold concrete. Her knees were red and scratched from where she had fallen on them. "No, don't you dare talk to me like I'm crazy."

"You're not crazy." I sat down facing her. "I would never think that you are."

"You do think it." She wiped at her tears even though they kept falling. "I can tell, you think I'm crazy. _You_ think I'm crazy, _Sam_ thinks I'm crazy, _everyone_ I try to talk to thinks I'm insane, okay?"

"Quinn, I don't think that you're-"

"Yes you do!"

"Quinn, shut up!" I yelled it before I could stop myself. She looked shocked that I had yelled at her, and she was successfully stunned into silence. I decided to just let myself talk. "I don't think that you're crazy. I think…I think that you need someone. Someone to talk to and…and…and to confide in. Well, I can be that person, if you want. I haven't told anyone about what happened that night that you stayed at my house. You can trust me. You're my friend, and I care about you, and I'm here for you, and I love you."

She sniffled and wiped her nose on her sleeve and stared at me. In the background of the party noise, the song The Only Exception by Paramore was playing. Looking back, it seemed like something straight out of a movie as she shook her head and smiled and moved to sit next to me. As the chorus started playing again, she took my hand and looked into my eyes.

"I love you too, Rachel. You're my best friend." She smiled sadly. "The best friend I've ever had."

"And nothing can ruin that." I whispered, my eyes on her lips. I couldn't look away from them. I knew it would have been perfect to lean in and kiss her. I wanted to, I wanted to so badly that it almost physically hurt not to, but I held my ground.

"_But darling, you are the only exception_." She sang the words quietly. When I looked up into her eyes, she was staring directly into mine. Her face was only a few inches away. I had never felt so close to her before. "Can I tell you a secret?"

"Of course." The words barely came out as loud as a whisper.

"Remember when I told you about that girl that kissed me at Bible Camp that one time? Well, she didn't kiss me." She glanced down at my lips. "I kissed her."

"You did?" I breathed the words.

"Uh huh." She paused. "So you don't think I'm crazy?"

"No." I swallowed hard. It was getting hard to stay focused. My heart was pounding in my chest, my body felt alive and it was vibrating with nerves. And she was everywhere. She was all I could see, all I smell, and I wanted her lips to be all I could taste.

"You might." She whispered. "What am I supposed to do if you change your mind? I don't want to lose you."

"That will never happen." I answered.

I watched it happen in her eyes then. I watched her sadness switch to something new. Something good. Something better. I watched her become hopeful.

"I need you. I need you so much. I realize that now. I was trying to push you away, but…I should've known I could never do it. But I've been afraid to tell you. Afraid to say anything. And I know you…you feel…you think that…ugh, I know it's difficult, but I need you where you are."

"What do you mean?"

"I need a best friend right now." She backed away from me and leaned against the wall on her other side, her eyes on the ground. I felt cold without her so close to me.

I knew what she was saying. I knew she wanted me to be her friend, just her friend. But I wanted to know if she was implying that there was a possibility that I could be more. But I didn't ask.

"We should go. My dads are out of town, so you can stay the night." I stood up and brushed the dirt off of my clothes. "And we can talk as much as you want."

She looked up at me and a smile crossed her face. She looked so hopeful, like I was her helicopter rescuer and she was a shipwrecked sailor. How long had she been at sea, fighting the waves and the storms before she crashed? How much damage had she taken? How much did it take for her to signal for help? I didn't know, but I was going to help her get back home no matter what.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

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><p>We left the party and went straight to my house. When we got there, I lent Quinn some clothes to sleep in and we changed and got ready for bed. I put on a movie but it quickly became just background noise.<p>

We were sitting on my bed, fairly close to each other, and looking straight ahead at the television. Quinn spoke first.

"I don't know what to say." She shook her head. "There's just so much going on lately."

"You don't have to say anything you don't want to. I know I'm always being annoying and prying for more information all the time, but you really don't have to say anything. It's completely up to you. I'm here for you." I put my hand over hers on the bed and she held it firmly.

"I almost just want to start listing all of the things that bother me, but I don't want to sit here and complain all night." She bit her bottom lip and I felt the familiar warm sensation spread through my body. I had to remind myself that this wasn't a time to ogle over Quinn.

"I don't mind. I would even offer to go first, but all of my problems are pretty trivial. Well…I guess I've got a pretty big one." Part of me wanted to tell her that I liked her so much more than just a friend, but the other part was convinced it would be the stupidest thing I ever did.

"Okay, how about we just spill everything." She looked at me. "We just get it all out, together, and then we can go on with our lives from there. I think we need this."

I was suddenly so nervous and scared that for a little while I thought I might puke. I tried to focus on my breathing to calm myself down but it didn't work and I had to say something before she realized I was freaking out so I agreed to do it before I could stop myself.

"Okay." She sighed, closing her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, she nodded and looked back at the television. "Okay, so my parents are having trouble. They've been fighting a lot and if it wasn't against our religion, I'm sure they would have divorced by now. I'm almost positive my dad hit my mom the other day. She had a bruise and said some bullshit story about a bowl falling from a shelf and hitting her in the face. But I'm so sure it was my dad. So I'm worried about that, of course. And then there's the band thing. They do drugs, which I don't care about, but they keep trying to get me to do stuff and I'm starting to worry that they'll kick me out of the band if I don't and okay, I've smoked pot with them a few times now and it's whatever, but they've been getting their hands on acid and all sorts of other stuff lately and I don't know. A guy overdosed on something at the last gig we did. That's the kind of crowd we play for. I thought this was what I wanted, but I don't think I can handle all of this stuff that comes with it. And I'm jealous of Sam and Mercedes. Sometimes I think I shouldn't have broken up with him. My parents are pissed off that I did that, too. I think they're starting to get suspicious about me being in the band. I don't know, it's hard to tell. Oh, and I feel bad about yelling at you earlier. I shouldn't have done that. I didn't get much sleep last night, I'm just cranky and I get all bitchy when I'm exhausted. And, um…I haven't been completely honest about the whole…the cutting thing. I did it again and…it's stupid, I know, I really shouldn't, but when I do it I feel so in control and okay and I can calm down and focus on something other than my stupid problems. I've only done it three times though, so it's not a problem. Okay? It's not a problem, and I'm telling you all this because I trust you and I know you won't tell anyone because you swore you wouldn't and you're my best friend. And I'm really glad that I have you, Rachel. I would be so lost without you right now."

She didn't cry. I thought she would have, and she looked like she wanted to, but she didn't. She said it all so quickly, I wondered if she had rehearsed telling me all that before.

She looked at me expectantly. So I said the only thing I told her I would say. "I love my best friend as more than a friend."

I watched her carefully, but she didn't do anything. She wasn't surprised or shocked or concerned or disgusted or anything. She just sat there, like nothing happened, like I had told her that I liked the weather or something.

"I know." She answered quietly, looking down at our hands. I hadn't even realized they were still together. "You're shaking."

"Sorry." I whispered. "I'm so sorry, Quinn."

"Don't be." She looked up into my eyes. Another wave of nerves and tingling sensations coursed through my body as I stared into her beautiful eyes. No one had eyes like Quinn.

"I don't know what to do." I felt embarrassed. Beyond embarrassed. Humiliated. She had just spilled out a list of legitimate problems and my only problem gave her another thing to add to it.

"Shhh." She whispered, stroking the back of my hand with her thumb. "It's okay, Rachel."

"What do you want me to do?" I asked quietly. I was expecting her to tell me to give it time, or to say that I'll outgrow it, or to ignore it, but she didn't say anything. Instead, she lifted her free hand to my face and tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear and cupped my cheek and gently leaned in close to me, kissing my other cheek.

"I'm very flattered." She whispered against my skin. Then she pulled me into a hug. I was still shaking, still embarrassed, still nervous. I didn't know what was going on, or what she was thinking, or what I was going to do.

When she let me go, she put her hands on my shoulders and sat with her legs crossed, facing me. She gave a small smile and said, "Everything's going to be okay. Me and you…nothing's changed, we're still friends, okay? We're not going to let anything change that, remember?'

"Okay." It was the only thing I could say.

"Okay." She nodded and let go of my shoulders. She didn't move though. She sat there, facing me, her eyes occasionally dropping down to my lips.

And then I remembered something.

"Quinn?"

"Yeah?"

"You said _you_ kissed that girl at Bible Camp?" I whispered the words.

She looked up into my eyes, her own seemed to be a darker shade than before. There was something in them, something that I could only say was seductive but not even that could fully describe it. I didn't give her much time to respond. Instead, I leaned in close to her and pressed my lips against hers.

I had never kissed anyone before, and I didn't want to kiss anyone else ever again.

When I leaned back and opened my eyes, hers were still shut and her brows were drawn together in some sort of mental struggle. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes.

I cleared my throat and said, "Well, at least now you can say that a girl has kissed _you_."

As soon as I was done saying the words, she was off the bed and pacing the floor. I got up and walked over to her but before I could say anything she had her hands on my shoulders and she was pushing me back on to the bed. She straddled my hips, leaned down, and kissed me with so much passion that my veins felt like they were pumping electricity. She kissed me again and again. Her hands cupped my cheeks and she kept her body closely pressed to mine. I found my own hands on her hips, I hadn't even remembered putting them there.

She slowed her kisses and her body started shaking above me. I opened my eyes when I felt drops of salty water hitting my face. Tears were slowly falling from her tightly shut eyes.

"Quinn, you don't have to do this."

"I want to." She shook her head. "That's the problem."

"Why…why is that a problem?" It was hard to talk with her pressed so close to me. I could feel her body still shaking, the heat radiating off of it, the softness of her skin, strands of her hair that were brushing against my cheeks. Above all I was acutely aware of how hard my body was pulsing. So much adrenaline and energy was rushing through me. I felt alive.

"I can't be…I can't…I can't be. I can't be." She sat up, which only pressed our two very personal areas harder together. I had to swallow back the gasp that wanted to escape.

I sat up as she wiped her tears on her sleeve. The resulting position we fell into left her sitting between my legs, our faces still close together. She laughed then.

"I can't believe this is happening." She giggled, wiping away the last of her tears.

"Me either." I answered, not sure how she had meant that.

"I've, um…I've thought about doing that a lot." She looked at my lips as she talked. "I've wanted to kiss you for so long. I tried to fight but…you're just too much. Too cute and perfect and…and…everything. I don't want to lose our friendship, but I can't stop myself from doing this. And I don't want to like you like this. I really don't, I want to be straight. I can't stop wanting you though. I can't."

"It's nothing to be ashamed of." I wiped away a stray tear with my thumb. "You are beautiful person no matter who you want to kiss, Quinn."

"My parents…and my friends…I don't want anyone to know." She looked away from me.

"No one has to know anything."

"They'll find out. They'll hate me. They'll be disgusted. And I like boys, it doesn't make sense. I like boys, I think Sam is cute and I kissed him plenty of times while we pretended to date. I've never really wanted to be with a girl before. I kissed that one girl because I was lonely and she was cute and flirting with me but I didn't want anything else from her. I have no problem picturing myself with guys. I like them. And anyway, Santana tries to stay in the closet but being with Brittany is the reason she keeps getting caught. People will find out, they always do."

"Do you want to be with me?"

"I don't know."

"Do you want to kiss me?"

She looked at my lips. "Yes." Then into my eyes. "More than I've ever wanted to kiss anyone before."

I leaned in and kissed her lips. She didn't hesitate to hold my face in her hands and pull me on top of her so that I was holding myself over her. Her legs were spread apart so that I was between them.

Somewhere between the kisses I told her this was the first time I'd ever kissed anyone. She just smirked and kissed my lips, sliding her tongue between them and stroking my own tongue with it. To say that it turned me on would be an understatement. I had never felt so sexually aroused before in my entire life.

Her hands were on my back, keeping me close to her. Involuntarily, my hips started to move and the moan that erupted from Quinn's throat was the sexiest sound I had ever heard. She kissed me harder, her hands moved down my back and stopped so that her palms were still on my lower back but her fingers were spread out over part of my butt. She did this so that she could pull my lower half harder against her own.

I remember worrying about my inexperience, but I decided to hell with everything, I'd do whatever felt good and see what happened. I pulled my hips back against her hands and then thrusted them forward against her own. She moaned again and arched her back, her head leaning back and her neck becoming more exposed. I took the opportunity to trail kisses down her jawline and over the different parts of her throat.

"Oh my God." She muttered as she moved her hands up over my back and under my shirt. Feeling her cool hands against my hot skin was incredible.

I returned my lips to hers and she kissed me passionately, her hips rising into the air so that her crotch met mine in a sort of elevated pelvic kiss. My clit was throbbing hard as I felt her pressed so close to me.

"We need to slow down." She whispered, dropping her hips and cupping my cheeks. She kissed me again, gently, and I let her roll us both on to our sides. We slipped under the bed sheet, our legs were tangled together and our faces were close. She looked into my eyes and smiled.

"That movie is still playing?" She giggled. I laughed too, surprised at how comfortable I felt after everything that had just happened. My body was slowly calming down, returning back to normal.

"It's a long movie." I replied. She bit her bottom lip, propped herself up on her elbow, and leaned down to kiss me one last time for the night.

"Goodnight, Rachel." She whispered against my lips.

"Goodnight, Quinn." I whispered back. She smiled and rolled over, reaching back to grab my arm and pull it around her so that I was forced to be pressed up against her back as we slept. It was perfect, and I fell asleep without a care in the world.

When I woke up, she was gone. A text message from her was waiting for me on my phone. It explained that she had to go to Church with her parents but that she'd talk to me later. She never texted me again that day, and I became too paranoid and embarrassed to message her at all.

On Monday I hung out with Kurt at our coffee shop and we ran into Blaine again. The three of us went shopping for the rest of the day and that night we invited some of the Glee Club kids to the movies.

Mercedes, Sam, Tina, Brittany, Santana, and Quinn all showed up. Somehow I got stuck sitting between Kurt and Brittany so I didn't have a chance to talk to Quinn, but when she got up to go to the bathroom half way through the movie, I took the chance and went with her.

As we were walking to the lobby, I spoke first.

"So hi." It was lame. I didn't know what to say, but I had to say something.

"Hey." She answered. She walked a few feet away, never looking at me. Instead she looked at all of the few groups of people that we passed. But when we entered the bathroom, she squatted down and checked under the stalls for feet. When she stood up again, her lips were on mine before I had a chance to say anything. The kiss was short and quick. "God, I love doing that."

She led me into a stall and shut the door behind us. The moment that the lock moved into place she was on me again. Her lips were at my neck and her hands were in my hair. I was going to say something, I don't remember what, but she silenced me with her lips.

We froze when the bathroom door opened. The light sound of small shuffling feet filled the room. We stared into each other's eyes as we listened to an old lady pick a stall, sit down, groan, and begin to pee. When I started to giggle, Quinn put her hand over my mouth and shook her head, biting her bottom lip to stop herself from laughing. As the lady started pulling on the toilet paper, I kissed Quinn's palm. She moved it from my mouth and cupped my cheek, pulling me in for a gentle kiss as the old lady flushed her toilet and left her stall. While she was washing her hands, we kissed some more, but we waited to talk until after she had left the room.

"I love kissing you." Quinn whispered even though we were alone.

"I love kissing you too." I was unsure of exactly what Quinn wanted from me. I knew I would have to ask if she didn't tell me herself soon.

"Sorry I had to leave before you got up." She stepped closer to me, pressing our fronts completely against each other. "I had a lot of fun that night."

She gave me another long kiss. Then she said we should get back in there before someone noticed how long we'd been gone. So I left and went back to the theater and sat down. A few minutes later, Quinn returned too.

If anyone had noticed, they didn't say anything. But whenever me and Kurt talk about that night, he said he knew me and Quinn had "hooked up" the moment he saw us look at each other. He always says there was just something special in the way her eyes lingered on me. Like she was trying to say something with her eyes. Something she couldn't say out loud.

Things would be so different now if she actually had said all of the things she still needed to say.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

[When it rains during this chapter use RainyMood (.com) to have background rain]

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><p>Two weeks after the first backyard party featuring Sinful Melodies, and two weeks after Quinn and I's friendship turned into a secret unlabeled romance, I got to attend another party that the band was playing at. This time the party was being thrown by the band's drummer's next door neighbor. Both the neighbor and the drummer let the mass amounts of college aged party goers into their houses and fenceless yards. Not even Prom had prepared me for the mass amount of people at this particular party.<p>

I carpooled with Kurt and Blaine. They were there for about half an hour before someone spilled an entire red plastic cup of spiked punch on to Blaine's cardigan. They left in a flurry of sass and embarrassment, which, looking back now, was a good thing. The only other high school kids there were Quinn, who was setting up with the band in the backyard despite the dark storm clouds starting to fill the sky, Finn and Puck, who were playing beer pong in the kitchen of the drummer's house, and Sam.

I found Sam sitting on a couch next to a couple making out. He was staring straight ahead, not looking at anything in particular, and had a flask in his right hand.

"Sam! Sam, I'm so glad I found you." Relief flooded over me.

"Oh, hey." He hardly acknowledged that I had sat down next to him in the small available space on the couch's edge.

"This party is so crazy." I said as two naked boys ran by. A third guy followed them with a video camera.

"It's whatever." He shrugged.

"It's a little scary." I admitted, jumping as something large hit the floor and shattered in the next room.

"Yeah, you don't seem like the type to be at these things." He looked at me for the first time. "Mercedes doesn't know I'm here. Don't tell her, okay?"

"Why don't you want her to know?"

"She doesn't like these parties. Thinks they're too wild."

"Well, they kind of _are_."

"I like it. I like being surrounded by all the noise and excitement. It beats being home."

"I guess." I had assumed that Sam didn't have a nice home life. I had assumed that that was the cause of his drinking so heavily at Prom. I had assumed he was using alcohol to escape his problems. But I never would have guessed just how bad his home life really was back then.

"Be sure to let me know how Quinn and them sound. I can't stick around and watch. I actually have to get home soon. It's almost midnight." He stood up. "Keep an eye on Quinn, okay?"

"Wait, have you been drinking? You shouldn't drive!" I stood up next to him, thinking that I should have asked why he thought I should keep an eye on Quinn.

"No, I'm good. The flask is just to keep people from offering me something to drink or talking to me." He shrugged, putting away the flask. "Later."

After that I was alone, so I went to the backyard and sat on a picnic table to wait for Sinful Melodies to perform. I continuously had to get strange guys to stop talking to me by saying I was just waiting for my boyfriend to get back from the bathroom.

Sinful Melodies started playing about midnight but halfway through the show one of those strange guys came up to me again. He sat down very close next to me and said, "I'm starting to think you don't have a boyfriend."

"What makes you say that?" I yelled back over the music.

"Well." He pretended to look around. "I don't see him. Must be taking a pretty long shit if he's still in the bathroom."

"Okay, I don't have a boyfriend." I shrugged.

"It's all good." He flashed a smile.

I tried to ignore him and focus on Quinn singing, but he was persistent.

"So, you got a name?"

"Sorry, I'm trying to watch." I gestured toward the band.

He laughed. "I'm sorry too, because I'm not that easy to get rid of. My name's Tyler. I guess I'll just call you…Mystery Girl."

"Okay." Maybe just being indifferent to his presence would work better.

"So you go to school around here?"

I smiled. "McKinley High."

"Wow, seriously? You're way too hot to be a high school girl." He licked his lips and leaned in closer. "But now that I think about it, it only makes you hotter. I got a new name for you. _Jailbait_."

I dropped my smile. There seemed to be no easy way to get rid of this guy, so I went back to ignoring him.

"So what's a cute little fifteen year old doing at a big kid party like this?" He smirked, knowing I would defend myself.

"I'm _seventeen_, and I'm here because the band's singer is one of my best friends." I answered. It was around then that Quinn spotted me in the crowd. When she noticed the boy leaning close to me, the rage in her eyes was unmistakable.

"Quinn Fabray?" He laughed, oblivious to Quinn's threatening glares.

I turned to him. "_You_ know Quinn?"

"I'm surprised _you _know her. That chick's insane. How the hell is she friends with a goody-two-shoes schoolgirl? And I mean no disrespect by that, the schoolgirl thing is a total turn on."

"What do you mean she's insane?" I scooted as far to the edge of the table as I could. He only leaned in closer.

"Well, _you know her_, don't you?" He teased. But he knew he had my attention, so he kept going. "This one time, the band was playing at that shitty club with the purple neon sign and the cheap beer and she got so fucked up that she started making out with like every guy that would get close to her. We started passing her around out back but then she started puking this gnarly green shit up and her wasted blonde babysitter had to drag her ass to his truck. She's always got that boytoy around. But he gets shitfaced almost more than she does."

He was clearly amused by his story, but I was horrified. I just sat there shaking my head.

"What, you don't believe me?" He laughed harder. "That's nothing compared to when I heard about her sucking off some old dude in some nasty ass bar bathroom stall. They said he gave her like three grams of some really good shit and that's what we were smoking that night. I don't know, I can't really remember most nights after I jam with them."

Then it clicked. This was the Tyler that Quinn had once said played piano for Sinful Melodies when they needed him to. The one that always had hard drugs.

"Do you guys do stuff at every band practice?" I asked hesitantly. I wasn't sure what was appropriate to ask when it came to drugs.

"Ha, I wouldn't go if the garage wasn't loaded with shit. But I'm usually busy. I've got a sweet paying job my dad hooked me up with." He winked. "Which is nice, because I do love to spoil the ladies."

"What kind of stuff do you guys do?"

"Whatever we got." Then he smiled. "Why, you interested in getting something? I can hook you up, girl. Just look what we did for Q. Fay. The chick's tripping on shit every time I see her now. Good shit, too. Because I provide the best for my customers. Just ask around, I got a good rep with this field. I'm an expert."

It was around then that the song ended. Before the guitars were even unplugged, Quinn was at my side.

"Rachel." She grabbed my hand, pulling me off the picnic table. She started steering me towards the house but she turned to mouth something to Tyler that I couldn't make out.

"You sounded great." I told her as she pulled me straight through the house and out to the front yard. She didn't say anything back to me as she unlocked her car and opened the passenger side door for me. I got in and watched her as she walked around to the driver's side. After she was in, buckled, and had the car running, she turned to me.

"I'm taking you home, okay?" She didn't wait for me to say anything. She put the car in drive and took off down the street.

"Quinn, why are you going so fast?" I finally asked.

"Sorry." She slowed down. "I didn't realize I was speeding."

I cleared my throat. "Maybe I should drive."

"_Fuck_, okay, what did that moron say to you?" She stopped abruptly in the middle of an empty neighborhood street.

"_You_ said you didn't know you were speeding. I just think maybe I should drive." I tried to keep my voice even and normal. It was difficult, because Quinn looked so angry.

She put the car in park, still in the middle of the street, and looked straight at me. "_What did he tell you_?"

"Everything." I answered. I knew he had only told me a small fraction of what might have been truth, but my response had an immediate effect on Quinn. She faced forward and fell back against her seat. She was shaking her head and tears were lining her eyes and her hands were balled up into fists.

"I don't know how I let all of this happen."

"Well, I don't know how much he told me was actually true." I confessed.

"What'd he say?" Her voice shook.

"Some things that I can't believe you would ever do. And I'm honestly not sure if he was messing with me or not, now that I think about it."

"I'm sorry." She shook her head again. "I didn't mean for any of it to happen. This summer…I wish I could take it all back. I wish I could go back and change everything."

"You can quit." I reached for her hand. She jerked it away from me.

"I love singing for them. I'll never get another chance to be in a band like this."

I had meant the drugs and drinking, but she was under the impression that we were talking about Sinful Melodies. Well, if she wanted to talk about them, I thought, then so be it.

"Quinn, I hate to break it to you but because of _them_ you're apparently getting into a lot of stuff that's really messing you up. Okay, I don't know anything about drugs. I'm clueless on just about everything to do with the subject. But I'm pretty sure _three grams of some really good shit _is not worth getting on your knees in a bar bathroom for some creepy old man that you don't even know! And in _what world_ is it okay to get so messed up that you let yourself get passed around by a group of guys? Quinn, they could have done a lot more than just make out with you if Sam hadn't shown up. How could you possibly like doing things that turn you into someone who's so out of control? I might be crossing a line and it might not be any of my business what you do in your spare time, but God, Quinn, why? Just, _why_?"

She started balling. She was hysterical. Ridiculously loud sobs and cries of agony and regret erupted from her small frame as it shook. She started beating her fists against the steering wheel, making the horn go off. I reached across and grabbed her hands.

"Quinn! Quinn, stop. We're in a residential neighborhood. People are sleeping. Stop! Here, I'm unbuckling you. I'm going to, _Quinn_, listen, I'm going to get out and open your door and then I'm going to drive us somewhere. Okay? That's what we're going to do right now."

It started to rain. It wasn't light rain either, it was a heavy downpour. I was soaked just by running around the car. I helped Quinn get herself over the armrest and buckled into the passenger seat. She was still crying and mumbling random words like "sorry" and "God" and "fuck up" and "stupid".

I got about a mile away before the rain was pounding the streets too heavily for me to drive safely. I pulled into a small empty parking lot in front of a bank and turned off the car. We sat there for a few minutes just listening to the pouring rain and the distant thunder and watching a few flashes of lightning every now and then.

She turned to me. "I like not knowing what's going on. I like the feeling of letting go. I like having all of the pressure I'm under just float away. That's why. I can't help that I do really stupid things when I'm drunk or tripping but I never thought anyone would find out so I pretended it didn't matter. I'm embarrassed. I am. I've been completely humiliated this whole summer and I keep telling myself that I'm not going to drink any more or that I'm not going to take any more pills but then someone offers me something and _I take it_. I know I don't want to. But I take it. I think, you know, maybe this time will be different. And I remember how carefree I always feel. And it's just so easy to swallow a few pills and have all your worries go away. They're always back in the morning, of course. But for that night, at least, nothing matters. For that night, I'm free."

She had stopped crying. On her lips was a sad, torn smile.

"I'm sorry." I said quietly. I waited until after a long rolling thunder passed overhead. "I know it must seem like I'm always all up in your business. I don't know, I just care a lot about you, Quinn. I don't want to see you get hurt. It just made me so angry that you were doing things that put you in such dangerous situations."

"I like that you care." She looked out into the storming night. "I don't deserve it though."

"Why do think that?"

"I would hate it if someone did to me what I do to you." She whispered.

"I don't know what you mean."

"You were my best friend." She looked down at her hands. "And now I've turned you into just another one of my dirty little secrets."

"No, I'm not just a secret to you." I reached over to hold her hand. This time, she let me. "I know you have feelings for me just like I have feelings for you. I'm not going to let you sit there and categorize me away like that'll be enough justification for you about how we feel. Well, you can't just do that. I'm a person. I'm not on the same level as bathroom blowjobs and pills. Our romantic interests can't just be put in a box and hidden away. I know you have a lot of things to deal with, and you're under a lot of pressure, but I'm here to help you, not be another problem. I'll be anything you want me to be for you, except that."

Another rib-shaking clap of thunder boomed above us. By the time it ended, Quinn had already unbuckled herself, climbed over the armrest, and managed to move my seat back so that she could straddle me. More thunder rolled through the clouds as she leaned forward and kissed me. I felt like one of those lightning bolts in the sky had shot through me. My nerves were tingling everywhere she touched me.

Through the kisses she said, "I want you to be mine."

When she moved her lips down to my neck, I whispered back, "I'm all yours."

If it was even possible, it seemed like it started to storm harder as she pulled a side lever and leaned my seat all the way back. We kissed harder, faster, rougher. There was unmistakable electricity in the car, which was quickly becoming more humid with every kiss.

She was laying on me, and the feeling of having our bodies pressed so closely together was without a doubt quickly becoming my favorite feeling. I don't know how long we stayed like that, just being close and kissing and trailing our hands across each other's bodies, but eventually the rain eased to a quiet drizzle. Even after the kissing had stopped and she had come to rest with her head on my chest, my lips still felt the buzzing sensation of having her lips moving against them. I didn't want it to end.

Sometime after the rain went from storming to peaceful, her phone started to ring. She got it out of her pocket and groaned. It was quiet enough that I could hear the voice on the other end after she answered it and put it to the ear that wasn't against my chest.

"Hello?"

A woman's voice came through the phone. "_Quinn Fabray, where are you?_"

"I'm on the way home, Mom."

"_I heard a noise and came to check on you and YOU WEREN'T THERE. Quinn Fabray, I don't know what has gotten into you lately but this has got to stop. This behavior is unacceptable, young lady. You're in big trouble and you've got a lot of explaining to do when you get here. Where are you right now?_"

"Mom, it was storming. I didn't want to drive in the rain so I stayed at Brittany's house waiting for it to pass. I must have fallen asleep. I'm sorry. I'm on the way home right now."

"_You better be here soon._"

Quinn started to say something but the dial tone sounded and the call had ended. She sighed and tossed her phone into the passenger seat.

"Are you going to be in trouble?" I asked, running my hands through her hair.

"Probably." She closed her eyes and snuggled closer to me.

"Well, we should go. I don't want it to be any worse."

"Shh, no. Stay. I just want to stay like this for a while." She whispered the words against my skin as she turned her head to kiss my collar bone.

It was hard to talk with her kissing and nipping at such a delicate spot. "I…I don't know…Quinn, you should…go home. Your mom sounded really mad."

"Oh, she's always mad. Besides, we're fifteen minutes from my house where we are right here. Brittany's house is at least half an hour if you're going exactly the speed limit. So I think we've got a good twenty minutes to spare."

She kissed her way up my neck and to my lips, where she dipped her tongue in and stroked my own. The resulting feeling had me involuntarily but pleasurably moving my hips against her. She moaned into my mouth. Just as her hands were starting to move up under my shirt, her phone went off again.

She groaned, sat up, and grabbed it. I thought she was going to toss it back but at the last second before it left her hand, she changed her mind and brought it up to her ear.

"What?" She snapped.

This time I couldn't hear who she was talking to, but she looked extremely annoyed that they were calling her. As the person talked her face slowly fell. After a few minutes she looked utterly horrified. She got off of me and moved to sit in the passenger seat, her hand coming up to cover her gaping mouth.

I pulled the side lever and got my seat to sit back up straight while resisting the nagging urge to ask any questions.

"Yes." She said weakly into the phone. She tried to clear her throat, but her voice still shook. "I'm still here. Thank you. For calling, I mean. I'm glad someone did."

She hung up shortly after that and just stared at her phone. When the shock had started to ease, she spoke.

"The cops showed up at that party." Her voice was barely above a whisper. "If we had been there for only an hour longer…"

"Finn and Puck were there!" I suddenly remembered.

She nodded slowly and gestured to her phone. "That was Finn."

"What all did he say?" I asked.

"He said he managed to get out of the house and into the rain and he ran through a couple backyards and hopped some fences and got away. He waited for the rain to stop and then walked back to where his car was parked, down the street from the party. He said he could see Puck in handcuffs on the front lawn. The whole band, too. About a third of the party or something. They had drugs dogs arriving on the scene."

"Oh my god." I felt bad for those people that got caught, but I also felt flooded with relief that we hadn't been among them.

"Rachel, that could have been us." She looked up at me.

"We're really lucky, I guess."

She sat there looking extremely uncomfortable for a few moments. Just as I was about to ask her if she was okay, she opened the car door and ran out into the light rain so that she could puke in the neighboring parking spot. When she returned, her hair and clothes were damp and her body was shaking. I had never seen her look so sick and pale before.

"I'll drive you home." I said, starting the car. Getting myself to my own house in the middle of the night while it was raining concerned me at the time, of course, but not as much as Quinn did.

The ride was quiet, and the rain got worse as we got closer to her house. Only after I had the car parked in her driveway did we speak again.

"Where do your dads think you are right now?" She asked.

"Staying the night at Kurt's, which I had started the night planning on actually doing. But I told Kurt I'd just go home after I left the party. I could try calling him, but, knowing him, he's already asleep with his phone off."

"Just sleep here." She unbuckled herself and got out of the car.

"What? Are you sure? But your parents…" I rushed to catch up to her as she ran for the small covering under her front door.

"They don't have to know. I'll take care of it." She whispered, taking the keys from me and unlocking the door. She stepped inside, looked around for a moment, and waved me in. I closed the door as quietly as I could.

She took off her wet shoes and I did the same. We carried them as we tiptoed down a hall, but she abruptly stopped just before we got to the kitchen on the left and a flight of stairs to the right.

A light was on in the kitchen. Quinn took a step forward and turned to face it.

"Well." Quinn's mother said from somewhere in the room. "Look who decided to show up."

"I'm sorry. I told you, I didn't want to drive in this weather." Quinn was a good liar.

But her mother was still suspicious. "And you were _where_ tonight?"

"Studying at Brittany's." She answered confidently. "And you can call and ask her mother yourself if you don't believe me."

"Quinn, I'm trying here, alright? I'm trying the best that I can to trust you again, but I just don't know what to believe any more. Honestly, I'm worried about you. This summer, you're just…you're gone all of the time, you hardly say anything at dinner any more, and your father is starting to get really bothered about all these snarky comments you've been making to him. You know he doesn't like sarcasm."

"I know, Mom. I'm sorry." She stepped into the kitchen and out of my view. I felt exposed and cold and awkward, just standing there in the dark hallway with nothing to do but listen to their conversation.

"Well, just try and be a little more like your old self. We miss our happy Quinn."

There was movement and I felt panicked as I tried to figure out what to do.

I heard her mother say, "A hug? I haven't gotten one of these in a long time."

I knew that was my chance. I peeked into the kitchen to be sure, and I was right. Quinn and her mother were hugging, but Quinn was the one facing me. She raised her eyebrows at me and I took off up the stairs to the right, going as quickly and quietly as I could.

When I made it to the top, I was hit with the realization that I had no idea which room was Quinn's. But luckily Quinn showed up moments later and guided me into the very last room of the long hall, just before her mother reached the top of the steps.

They whispered goodnight and Quinn shut her bedroom door, letting out a long sigh of relief. We smiled at each other.

"That was close." She whispered, locking her door and tossing her shoes to the side. I set my own shoes down by the door.

When I turned back around, Quinn already had her shirt off and was unbuttoning her pants.

"Quinn!" I kept my voice low, but my surprise was still evident enough in my tone that a smirk appeared on her face.

She only shushed me and continued to remove her clothes. I decided it would be weird to just stand there and watch her undress, even though that's exactly what I would have liked to do, so I turned around and faced the door.

Quinn showed up behind me as soon as she realized I wasn't watching any more. I felt her arms wrap around my waist and she pulled me close against her front. She whispered, "You're so cute."

"I need something to sleep in." I answered, feeling a rough mixture of exhaustion and excitement. I knew that if I were to lay down right then, I would instantly fall asleep. But I also felt like doing anything but sleeping.

"I'll find you something." She unwrapped her arms and went over to a large closet. She tossed a large shirt and a pair of short shorts that said _Cheer _on the butt at me. She went into her bathroom and left me alone to change. When she returned, she kissed my lips and I could taste the minty toothpaste that she had just used. I took my turn in the bathroom, and when I opened the door again, she was already curled up in her bed asleep.

I climbed in with her, but kept my distance. She seemed to sense my presence, even in her sleep, and rolled over to snuggle up against me. I quickly fell asleep to sound of pouring rain, the completely surrounding and wonderful smell of Quinn, and the feeling of having my favorite person in the entire world holding me close.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

* * *

><p>Getting out of Quinn's house in the morning was surprisingly simpler than getting into it the previous night. All I had to do was wait until the family left for church, and then Kurt was kind enough to pick me up and give me a lift home.<p>

"It's on the news." Kurt said as soon as I got into his SUV. "The party, it's on the news. Underage drinking, illegal drugs, and some cop got punched in the face and knocked out. I was so worried about you when I saw all that. _On the news._ Just think if me and Blaine had stayed there. We would have never been able to get away from cops, our outfits were not created for frantic running. How'd you and Quinn get away?"

As he drove, I told him about how Quinn and I had left as soon as Sinful Melodies had finished performing, how we ended up in a bank parking lot to wait out the rain, how Finn called Quinn and told her about the police showing up at the party, and how we managed to sneak me into her bedroom.

Kurt sighed heavily. "Blaine was mortified when I called and told him. I doubt there will be any more crazy college parties for us. Geez, _college_. If we had stayed and gotten in trouble, we'd be saying goodbye to any hope of ever getting into NYADA for sure."

"Yeah, I'm pretty done with that partying scene too."

"What about Quinn? What's she going to do now that her whole band is probably behind bars?"

"I don't know. It was a pretty hectic night. We just went to sleep when we got to her room."

He bit his bottom lip and tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. I could tell he was debating something. Finally, he said, "Listen, um, I don't know if you know…but Blaine and I heard some gossip about Quinn."

"I've heard some stuff too." I sighed.

"Did you hear about the bathroom blowjob?" He asked hesitantly.

"Unfortunately."

"And the video someone made on their phone of her flashing people on stage?"

"Didn't hear that one."

"What about the one of her snorting cocaine off a hooker?"

"What?"

"Blaine also heard she slept with the band's drummer to get into the band."

"Okay, stop. No more rumors. I…I promised Quinn back at Prom that I wouldn't believe anything about her unless she told it to me. I've been sucking at keeping that promise, but from here on out I am gossip free."

"Yeah, like that'll last." He laughed.

"It will! I'm tired of hearing stories about stuff Quinn has or hasn't done. Remember in middle school when everyone said she had herpes? Well, it wasn't true. It's the same thing now. Everyone has always gossiped about her. I bet most of the rumors are totally fake."

After he pulled into my driveway and turned off the SUV, he patted my shoulder and said, "Let's hope so."

Quinn was grounded for the last few weeks of summer. Her parents didn't technically say she was grounded, but every time she asked to do something they denied her request. I still got to text and call her, so we weren't cut off, but I was highly aware for the rest of summer just how much I enjoyed and missed being able to see her.

On the first day of school, Quinn and I made sure we got lockers right next to each other. Sam was on Quinn's left and Kurt was on my right. It seemed as though most of the Glee kids got lockers by each other.

"Do we have any classes together?" Quinn asked eagerly, taking Sam and I's schedules from us and comparing them to her own. She looked at Sam first. "We've got lunch at the same time, and Glee last." Then she turned to me and smiled. "And we've got English first period and Glee."

"Third year in a row with English together." I smiled back. "And look, Mr. G is teaching this class."

"Yes! I love that little balding man." She laughed.

We said goodbye to Sam and walked to English, where we got seats in the back next to each other.

"Hey, hey, hey." Mr. G smiled broadly as the bell rang. He was just as short, chubby, happy, and balding as he had been our sophomore year. "Welcome seniors, welcome. For those of you that don't know, my name is Mr. Garret, but I encourage you to call me Mr. G. And yes, I am quite the '_G_'." He laughed and waddled over to his desk. "Alright, let's see who's here."

The attendance check was quiet and boring as usual, but when he called out Quinn's name, a few people glanced back at her and snickered amongst themselves.

That day after school, Quinn and I made out for a little while under the bleachers before she had to go to a Cheerios meeting. We met up afterwards and got dinner together at a Chinese restaurant across town that we knew was likely to not have any McKinley students in it.

"So how was your first day of senior year?" She smiled as we seated ourselves at a table for two in the far back corner.

"It was nice. There's one class where I don't really know anyone, but other than that it looks like the start of a pretty good year." I answered.

"That's great." She handed me a menu. "So, um, guess what I learned at the Cheerios meeting?"

"What?" I asked, already looking over the menu.

She looked down at hers. "I'm not the captain anymore."

"What?" I stared at her and wondered why she hadn't mentioned it earlier. Cheerleading was such a big part of Quinn. She loved it almost as much as she loved singing.

"Sylvester heard rumors." She smiled sadly, avoiding my eyes.

"But…but she has no proof. Rumors aren't facts, you can't demote someone because you heard unflattering gossip about them. This is so wrong. We should talk to the principal about this. Mr. Schue could help. He'd understand."

"Rachel." She shrugged. "It's okay. I had the position all last year, and…it's a big responsibility. Santana can handle it. She'll do a great job, I know it. Besides, it's one less thing I have to worry about. I mean, I've still got a lot on my plate, but it's okay."

"Are you sure? I remember you saying one time that the best thing about being the captain of the Cheerios was getting the top of the pyramid spot. You said it was like the best feeling in the world, to be at the very top and looking down at everyone."

"You remember that? That was an entire year ago."

"Well…by then, I already knew I liked you. I find you interesting. I always have. I love learning things about you."

She was about to reply, but our waitress arrived and took our orders. When she left, Quinn took out her phone and started scrolling.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you earlier. I saw Puckerman at school. He said he spent three days in jail before his mom bailed him out."

"That sounds horrible."

"Yeah. I'm so glad we left that party early."

"Did you ever find out what happened to your friends?"

"Well, I know Tyler's dad is best friends with a big time lawyer so they'll probably get off fairly well, considering all the shit they got caught with. I told him over and over not to bring that much stuff to gigs, but he never listened."

"It must really suck not to be a part of a band anymore. I know how much you liked singing for them."

She bit her bottom lip and was quiet for a few moments. "It was definitely a wake-up call, you know? That night really put things into perspective for me. I'm done with them. All of them. I can't hang around that crowd. I know how I get when I'm with them, and I don't want to be that girl. I'm really going to start focusing on school and all of my other responsibilities again. I can't handle the risk anymore."

I reached across the table and put my hand over hers. "Quinn, this is a good thing. A really, really good thing."

She abruptly moved her hand away from mine as the waitress arrived with our food. She left as quickly as she had come, but Quinn kept her hands off the table and out of my reach for the rest of the night.

The Saturday after school started, my dads went to New York again. They tried very hard to convince me to go with them, but I politely declined their invitations. Since I had never passed up an opportunity to go to New York and see Broadway musicals before in my entire life, my dads were naturally concerned. I told them I had a big English paper to write, which I actually did, but I really was planning a night alone with Quinn.

She showed up at my house around six. We ordered pizza and ate it while watching cat videos on Youtube. Around eight we decided to start a horror movie marathon.

"I'm going to change before we start this." I said, grabbing my pajamas and heading for the door. She stopped me and kissed my lips.

"So change in here." She smirked.

I tried to say something but no words came out. I had to clear my throat before I could even say, "What?"

"Come on, I don't see why you can't change your clothes in front of your own girlfr—"

She caught herself and stopped, mid-word and with her mouth still hanging open.

I smiled.

"Girlfriend? Is that what you were about to say? So that's we are? Girlfriends?"

"I didn't…" She shook her head. "I didn't say that."

"You were going to."

"But I didn't."

"Do you not want that?" I asked hesitantly. I didn't know why it was so important to me. I didn't know why I cared so much about putting a label on our romantic feelings.

"I didn't say that either." She crossed her arms.

"In your car the other night, you said you wanted me to be yours." I reminded her. "And I am. One hundred percent, I am all yours, Quinn. I don't want to pressure you into something you don't want, but I do think you at least owe it to me to let me know why not."

She nodded. "I know. Don't get me wrong, I…I want to. I want to be that for you, and I would love for you to be that for me. And obviously sometimes I forget that we're not really official or anything but…then I remember why it can't be official."

"Why's that?"

"Lots of reasons." She shrugged.

"Like what?" I sat down on the bed again.

"Well." She sighed and joined me. "Relationships aren't easy. I kind of like being just romantically involved friends. And once it's official, people will definitely find out. Secretly dating someone is impossible in today's world. But mostly I just don't want to hurt you. You're sweet and caring and you're pretty much just the kindest person I've ever met. I can't hurt such a wonderful, nice person."

"Hurt me how?"

"I don't want to made promises that I can't keep. I have a habit of taking things that are good in my life…and completely screwing things up. And that night, you said you didn't want to be another one of my problems. Being my…girlfriend…you'd be my biggest secret."

"And I'm not already?"

She stared at me for a few moments before she said anything. "No. Right now, I'm only hiding our friendship from my parents. If things got official…I'd be hiding our _relationship_ from _everyone_. That's a lot more pressure."

"Can you remind me again what the things that stress you out are? Or I guess, what are your major problems? Like right now? What do you stay up at night worrying about?"

She bit her bottom lip and narrowed her eyes at me. After a while she sighed and started listing the issues. "Well, my parents are still fighting all the time, the other Cheerios never want to hang out with me anymore, I don't have a band to sing for, I need to go find a job, I have to keep my grades up, my parents are still convinced that I'm rebelling against them or whatever, I've got to deal with being the president of the national English honor society this year so I have to come up with a fundraiser that will get people community service hours _and_ help the community_ and_ raise the club money _and_ have something to do with literature, my parents are making me go to our church's youth group this year again which only reminds me how confusing my religious life has gotten, I've got to start applying to colleges, I'm president of the student body so I've got to write a good graduation speech, and on top of all of that I'm trying to figure out this whole thing with you while keeping it a secret from the world. And I'm honestly having a hard time staying away from the parties and the…other stuff."

I didn't really know what to say, so I said, "That's a lot."

She laughed and nodded. "Yeah, try dealing with it all."

"Well, let's look at the brightside here. You're not captain of the Cheerios now, so that's one less thing to worry about. And you're done with the parties and stuff, that's good. I can help you with the English honor society thing, applying for colleges, and even the graduation speech if you want. Um, it's probably a good thing that you're going to church more. Maybe you'll figure how you feel about religious things there. Uh, what else was there. Oh, yeah, I can help you find a job. I should probably get one too, actually. And…and you don't need a band to sing for. You can sing for me any time you want."

She smiled and grabbed my hand. "You're so sweet, Rachel. Why does such a nice person like you, put up with me and all of my whiny bullshit?"

"Because there's a lot more to people than the things that we worry about."

"Come here." She whispered, leaning in until our lips met. When we parted, she added, "It's always when you say unexpected things, that I know just _how much_ I like you."

"I like that I surprise you." I smiled.

"What are your problems like?" She asked quietly.

I thought about it for a minute. "I don't know. I guess, like I said, I should probably find a job too. I've got Glee, but so do you, and that's more fun than it is problematic, so I don't think that counts. Um, I need to figure out what I'm going to do for my NYADA audition at the end of the school year. That's a big one. Getting into NYADA and then going to perform on Broadway…that's always been my dream. My audition needs to be perfect. I don't even have a backup plan. And I'm going to come out to my dads, as gay. I assume I'm gay, I mean, I've never really had a thing for a guy or ever wanted to be with one, so I'm just going to go ahead and say gay. And…and I…I really like you. I want to be official with you, really badly. I really don't want to lose you. Or your whiny bullshit."

"I always knew you were a big homo." She smirked.

"Takes one to know one." I laughed.

Her face fell, and, for a moment, I thought she might cry.

"Quinn, I didn't mean—"

"No." She stopped me. "No, I am. I'm just a…_big fat queer_."

"You're not fat."

"Not what I meant." She let go of me and put her face in her hands. "I've never…I've never said it out loud before, you know. It's so…weird to say. I'm already immediately regretting it. I should not have said that. That was stupid. Now it's out there and I can't take it back." She dropped her hands and looked at me. "Please just forget I said anything."

"It's okay. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"Rachel, you have two gay dads. Of course this kind of thing is okay to you. But you know what my parents are like. You know what kids at school are like. Kurt's open and out and proud, and he gets shoved into lockers."

"You shouldn't care what other people think about you."

"Okay, fine, fuck the kids at school. You're right when it comes to them. But _my parents_? I can't be gay to them. I don't even know how bad it would be, and I don't want to find out."

"Maybe you're not gay." I shrugged. "You like boys too, don't you?"

"I absolutely like boys." She paused for a second. "You're the only girl I've ever felt this way about."

"You're the only _person _I've ever felt this way about."

"My parents can never know. None of my family can. They all know too many people around town. If someone said something to them…I can never openly be with you, Rachel."

"I don't want this is to end." I hooked my arm around hers and trailed my fingers down along her skin until my hand reached hers. "I like being with you…even if I can't officially call you my girlfriend."

"I like being with you too." She said as she used her free hand to tilt my chin up so that our lips met for a brief kiss. "You're the one secret that I wish I could tell everyone."

We kissed for a while after that. It was close to nine by the time that we actually got around to changing into pajamas, for which I stayed in the room.

I tried to keep my eyes to myself, but while I was stepping into my pajama pants, I couldn't stop myself from glancing at her. She had just started to remove her shirt. While her arms were over her head, and her shirt was leaving her torso, her bra was raised up just enough that I could see the faint, pink horizontal scar that she had given herself on her chest. After she had removed her shirt completely, her eyes fell on me and she thus caught me staring at her chest.

She smirked and walked over to me. She didn't say a word as she grabbed the edges of my shirt and pulled it off over my head. I stood there and watched her eyes survey me up and down before she pulled me into a heated kiss. She reached behind her back and undid her bra, letting it fall down on to our feet.

I had seen boobs before, of course, like in movies and art and whatnot, but nothing had prepared me for what it was like to see Quinn topless.

"Oh my god. Your boobs are amazing." I felt self-conscious to say the least.

"What?" She laughed, looking down at them. "Are you kidding? The left is totally a little bigger than the right."

"You know now that you mention it..." I put on a smirk. "...the left one is obviously way bigger. I mean, like, how do you even handle that much of a difference? Is the right side of your body just stronger from having to support that monstrous thing?

"Fuck you." She laughed, covering her chest with her arms. "Take off the rest of your clothes, I want to point out all your flaws."

"You know I'm kidding." I moved in for a kiss, but she released her chest and wrapped her arms around me so that she could undo my bra. She succeeded in pulling it off before I could even do anything about it.

She stared directly at my chest, then shook her head. "You have got to be shitting me. They're literally _perfect_."

"Really?" I felt exposed and vulnerable, just standing there topless with her, but I also felt really good and excited. It was thrilling.

"Have you never looked at them?" She laughed, reaching out and taking one in each hand. The feeling sent a rush of adrenaline through my body. She moved them around and gently squeezed. It was more humorous than it was arousing, but I was still incredibly turned on regardless.

"Having fun?" I asked.

"Yes. Boobs are awesome. We should be topless more often." She grabbed my hands and pulled me over to the bed. She sat down on the edge and moved me between her legs. Our lips reunited and our hands explored. I remember particularly loving how soft her skin was.

Eventually we ended up in the middle of the bed with me on top of her. I felt pretty bold that night, so I kissed my way down her jawline, neck, collar bone, and all the way to the middle of her chest. My hands were over her boobs, covering them, caressing them, stroking her nipples with my thumbs. I moved my left hand and kissed my way to her nipple, which I was very pleased to learn is an especially sensitive spot for her. While my tongue played with her nipple, her hips moved against me and she put her hands in my hair so that she could pull it when I flicked my tongue just right.

When I was done there, I kissed back to the center of her chest, then down a little to her scar. I softly kissed the length of it, and she was still and quiet while I did. After the last kiss, I moved back up so that I was holding myself over her face-to-face again.

"How are you feeling?" I asked quietly.

She smiled. "Do you even have to ask?"

"I was just checking." I smiled back.

"I didn't know I could be this turned on. Like, masturbating doesn't even compete with this."

"You masturbate?" For some reason, the idea had never occurred to me before. I found it surprising, but mostly completely and utterly hot.

"You don't?" She giggled and pressed her hips up against mine. Her hands moved to my lower back and she pulled on me, pressing us harder together. Our hips moved against each other while we kissed more.

At some point there was a mutual agreement and things calmed down. Our clothes were put on and we finished getting ready for bed. We turned off the lights, got under the covers, and started a horror movie. We cuddled and she kept my hand in hers for the rest of the night.

We woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. I was so tired that I didn't even check to see who was calling before I grabbed it off the nightstand and put it to my ear.

"Hello?" I yawned.

I was greeted with Kurt's voice. "Rachel? Did I wake you up? Goodness gracious woman, it's almost noon. What did you and Quinn do last night? Wait, don't answer that. I don't need to know the details. Speaking of Quinn, is she still there? Tell her that her mother is looking for her. Brittany just ran into the lady at the grocery store and apparently Quinn told her mom she was staying the night at Brittany's but didn't tell Brit anything ahead of time so when she asked where Quinn was, Brittany didn't have an answer. Mama Fabray is pissed."

"Thanks, Kurt. I'll let her know." After I said bye, I hung up the phone and rolled over to face Quinn.

"Let me know what?" She asked groggily.

"You probably need to get home. Brittany ran into your mom at the store so she knows you lied about where you are right now." Even before I was done explaining, she was out of the bed and changing into the same clothes she had arrived in. "Kurt says she's pissed."

She found her phone and the moment that she checked it she exclaimed, "_Shit_!"

"She called?" I assumed.

"Only twelve times." Quinn rolled her eyes. A minute later, she was at the front door ready leave. She only stopped to give me a goodbye hug and to say, "Last night was wonderful and worth any punishment I get. See you at school tomorrow."

I didn't hear from Quinn at all that day, so I assumed she had gotten grounded and had her phone and computer taken away. I wasn't too bummed, because I knew I'd get to see Quinn at school the next day whether she was grounded or not.

Only, Quinn didn't show up at school on Monday.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

* * *

><p>The moment that I saw Quinn on Tuesday morning, I rushed to her side and began bombarding her with questions about how angry her parents were, why she wasn't at school the day before, and when were they planning on giving her freedom back to her.<p>

She closed her locker and leaned against it. After a heavy sigh, she began. "When I got home, the first thing my mom did was take away my phone and look at my messages. She saw that I'd texted you about coming over so she knows I spent the night at your house. She also read a few texts between me and Santana. We talked about a girl-on-girl sex position that she and Brittany were going to try. Oh, yeah, _and_ she read a text I sent to Sam about how controlling and crazy she is. _And_ she went through all of the pictures I've taken on there. I haven't gone through my pictures in forever, so I completely forgot that I had taken some at a gig with the band once. She saw a picture of Tyler flicking me off and holding an empty beer and with his arm around a half-naked girl, and then a bunch of me and the band wasting time in a back room before we went on stage. To say that she was angry, would be an understatement. I don't think my parents will ever give me my phone back, I really don't. My dad took my laptop, he says he's going to find someone who can hack their way past my passwords and look at what I've got saved on there and stuff. I doubt he will though. And they're threatening to sell my car, so we'll see how that goes."

"Oh my god." I couldn't even think of a better response than that. I was shocked. I had been dreading the day when Quinn's parents found out about us hanging out, mostly because I knew it would in fact one day inevitably happen, but I hadn't thought it would happen so soon.

"Speaking of God, they've gone into super religious overdrive. They're completely appalled that I would ever talk to a homosexual about sinful and sexual acts, because, get this, it is only '_condoning the acts when I should be discouraging them'_. They said when I'm not at school, I have to be at home or church. If I'm home, I'm either doing chores, homework, studying, or reading the Bible. That's it. That is the approved list of things I can do from now on."

"Wow. And they don't think that they're overreacting at all?"

"Oh no. They think they're letting me off easy. My mom gave me a lecture all about how if her parents had caught her sneaking around or encouraging sinful acts like homosexuality and underage drinking and parties or being disrespectful to those that _love _and _care for_ me, she'd have gotten a beating and been sent to either a strict Christian school or like a convent or something. I seriously think they're considering the convent thing too."

"What'd you do yesterday?" I asked as we started walking to class.

"I spent the morning reading Bible verses out loud to my mother. Later we came up here and talked to Mrs. Pillsbury." Quinn glanced sadly at me. "She wanted to change my schedule so that I wouldn't be in any classes with you, Santana, or Brittany. But Mrs. Pillsbury told her it was too late for schedule changes, which led to my mother getting upset and demanding that we see Principal Figgins. Coach Sylvester stepped in when she heard the yelling and calmed down her down. She said she'd keep an eye on me and assured her that I'm always on my best and most respectful behavior when I'm at school."

"This is all so crazy." I wanted to hold her hand. It only added to the depressing mood to know that I would never be able to while at school. Or in public. Or at either of our houses. "Wait, how will we be able to see each other outside of school now?"

We sat down in class, but Mr. G started talking as soon as the bell rang so I never got an answer. I brought up the question again later in Glee, but she avoided it. For a moment, though, I thought I saw her eyes start to water before she blinked it away.

That night I came out to my dads. They said that they honestly were in fact surprised. The entire thing was much simpler than I thought it would be.

The first month of Quinn's punishment went by slowly. Only being able to talk to Quinn before school, occasionally in first period, and in Glee was horrible. And since we were always surrounded by our peers, having actual conversations was hard.

The second month went by just as slow as the first had. Nothing had changed much, except that Quinn's parents were starting to let her out of the house more. She was always accompanied by at least one of them though. They let her go out to eat with them, go to the mall together, go to the store, run errands, things like that. She said it was expected that she go with them, because they wrongly suspected that she watched TV or got on their computers when they left her home alone.

Half a month later was Homecoming. Her parents argued and argued over whether or not she could take part in the festivities. In the end, they decided it was best for their daughter's reputation that she go to as many school sponsored and supervised events as possible, excluding the dance. She was allowed to attend the after school events leading up to actual Homecoming, but she had to stay away from me in case her parents showed up. She was, of course, allowed to the cheer at the football game, which we lost.

At the end of October, she was forced to miss the Glee club's Halloween party because her parents made her go to a dull party with them. During Fall Break, her family went out of town to spend Thanksgiving at her highly religious and strict grandparents' house. The first week December, she was allowed to go to a Cheerio's birthday bash, but only after her mother called and talked to the other Cheerio's mother about the party.

On December 18th, I turned 18 years old. It was on a Sunday, but the next day at school everyone wished me a late happy birthday. Quinn risked sneaking into the same restroom stall with me, where we proceeded to have an intense and long overdue make-out session instead of attend a Glee Club after school rehearsal for the Christmas-themed performance we were going to have.

Just before the holidays, Quinn was given her car and phone back so that she could start babysitting for a family friend. Her father said he would regularly check her phone records, so she still couldn't really text or call anyone.

Not getting to see each other was driving us both crazy, but we knew her parents would be pushed over the edge if she got caught doing anything she wasn't supposed to be doing.

But that didn't stop Quinn.

On Christmas Eve, she somehow got a Cheerio that I didn't know to show up at my house with a small wrapped present and a card.

The card said: 'Dear Rachel, since I can't get you a Christmas present, I'm giving you one for Hanukkah. I'm sorry if this is strange or wrongly given. I would do some research on the holiday, but in my current situation, I can't. I'm definitely adding 'learn about other cultures and religions' to my bucket list though. I hope you like it. It took a while to make, but I've had plenty of time on my hands. I hope you're having a nice break. I miss you and I can't wait to see you again, even if I can only ever see you at school. – Love, Quinn.'

I unwrapped the present as quickly as I could. Inside was a uniquely intricate, wide handmade yarn bracelet. Woven into tiny letters on the side were the words "I'm all yours and you're all mine".

I put it on, stashed the card and box in my room, and called Kurt. He reluctantly picked me up and drove me to the trashy dollar store, the only place open on Christmas Eve. Then we went to Quinn's street. He parked on a curb a few houses away.

"I'm sorry I'm making you do all this so late on Christmas Eve." I told him.

"No, Rachel, it's fine. I'm happy to help. Especially in such a crazy, star-crossed lovers situation. Just don't freeze to death out there in the snow or get arrested." He patted the top of my head.

I trudged down to Quinn's house and snuck around to the backyard. After much going back and forth, I decided that the corner window was definitely hers. Well, I desperately hoped I was right, anyway.

I picked up a few small rocks. One by one, I tossed them up to lightly hit the window. After a few minutes, the curtain pulled back and my heart froze. Relief flooded me as Quinn's face appeared. She smiled and slowly slid her window open, shuddering as the cold air rushed in.

"What are you doing?" She kept her voice as low as she could. She was smiling brighter than I had seen her smile in months.

"Merry Christmas." I replied, showing the gift bag I had been holding. She looked at it like I was presenting her with a handful of gold.

She held up a finger and then closed her window and put the curtain back into place. Six freezing cold minutes dragged by before the back door slid open. She slipped out and rushed over to me, with only a coat over her pajamas. We walked away from the house, practically into the neighbors bushes.

"I can't believe you did this." She smiled, pulling me into a hug.

"This is stupid." I answered, my teeth chattering. "What if you get caught? This is so risky."

"Only you…" She shook her head. "…would show up to someone's house uninvited and against their parents' wishes, and complain about how risky it is for them to come meet you outside."

"Sorry." I laughed with her. "I love your present, by the way. It's so sweet and adorable and I just love it so much. Thank you."

She checked all around before pushing me closer into the bushes and kissing me. Despite the fact that I had very little feeling in my face due to the cold, kissing her again after such a long time was amazing.

"Here." I handed her the gift bag.

She took it and peered inside, poking around at its contents.

"It's a dreidel, a miniature menorah, and a toy Santa Claus dressed as a Hasidic Jewish man. I felt bad about not getting you anything so I went to the store just now. These are the only Jewish related things they had. I guess I'm helping you get a head start on learning about other religions. It's not as great a gift as yours, sorry."

"Rachel, this is really cute. I love it. And getting to see you and kiss you…this is best present ever." She assured me. We kissed a few more times and held each other for a while.

"You're shivering really hard." I let her go and started to move towards her house. "You need to get back inside."

"No. No, I don't want to." She tried to keep her teeth from chattering and her body from shaking, but it was no use.

"Quinn, you're freezing."

"I don't mind." She answered as more snow began to fall. "Who knows when we'll be able to see each other like this again."

"It's not worth you freezing to death. We'll figure something out."

She crossed her arms. "No. I can't go on like this. I can't. I thought my parents would ease up a lot more by now if I was perfectly good, but they're not. I can't take it anymore. I have to see you. I'm going crazy in that house."

"We'll think of something, I promise."

"I realized today that senior year is already half over. We've got half a school year left together before we go off to different colleges and then go on to do whatever it is we're going to do in life. Less than five months. I want to spend all of that time with you. I can't stay away from you anymore. All I do is sit in this goddamn house and think about you, and how much I wish I was somewhere else with you, and how much you mean to me. These past few months have really made me realize how stupid I've been. I've spent my whole high school life worrying about things that won't even matter in a few years. My parents…their lectures on how wrong homosexuality is…they only make me want to be with you more. At first I thought it was a rebellious thing, but it's not. I just want to be with you and it bothers me so much that my parents are so against it, but I don't care. I want to be with you, and nothing they say or do can stop me. Because I've realized a few things, you know. Like…they don't care about how I feel, or how I am, or about me at all. They care about my image. My _fucking _reputation. They care about how their friends see me, because I'm their perfect little daughter. That's why they got so upset and strict. They saw me growing up and they freaked out. They don't give a shit about how I'm feeling or what I care about or what I think. As long as they can brag about me to their friends, nothing else matters. I'm sick of it, and I'm sick of them. I'm not going to let them keep us apart any longer. I really…I just don't care anymore. I don't care what they think. As soon as I turn eighteen, I'm getting out of this house. I'll find somewhere else to live until I graduate. They'd probably kick me out if they found out I had a girlfriend anyway."

"Girlfriend?" I blurted out.

She smiled. "Yes."

"Are you saying—"

"Yes." She rushed forward and kissed me so hard that I almost fell over. "Yes, yes, yes."

"So if I asked you to be my girlfriend...the answer would be?"

She smiled and nodded her head. "Yes. I want you to be mine. _Officially_."

I smiled back. "I'm all yours. _Officially_."

After a little more kissing, I convinced Quinn to go inside and warm up and told her to have the best Christmas that she could. When I got back to Kurt's SUV, I found him sleeping with his head covered by his hat.

"Wake up!" I shouted as I got into the SUV.

He jumped and pulled the hat up from his face. "Holy Abercrombie and Fitch, Rachel, you scared the crap out of me."

"Sorry." I giggled, putting my hands to the air vents so that the heater could warm them.

"How'd it go? I assume well, since you were gone for over half an hour."

"Yeah." I nodded. "It went well."

"Did she like her Jewish trinkets?" He asked as he started to drive me home.

"She said it was cute…" I glanced over at him. "…right before we officially became girlfriends."

He slammed on the brakes. "Shut up! You better not me messing with me right now, Rachel Berry."

"I'm not!" I laughed. "I swear, it's true. I'm officially dating Quinn Fabray."

"Well." He started driving again. "This time two years ago, I never would have imagined that Saint Fabray would ever date a girl. Especially you, no offense. I think I'm just still in shock that someone flew under my gaydar so well. Or, who knows, maybe Christmas miracles really do exist. Either way, 'tis quite the season to be jolly, eh?"

We sang Christmas songs together for the rest of ride. The next morning, I told my dads that I had a girlfriend now but that she's still in the closet for the time being, so I couldn't say who. But I did let them know that she was talented and beautiful. They jokingly told me that I was forbidden to date my own reflection.

The day that school started again, Quinn found me at our lockers.

"I tried talking to my parents about easing up on the restrictions." She stated, opening her locker and shoving her books into it. "They said I'm ungrateful for how lenient they've been this whole time, so I told them that they're crazy to think that taking away my social life during my senior year of high school is considered getting off easy."

"What'd they say to that?" I asked hesitantly.

"My dad told me to go to my room and stop bothering them. I was so close to telling him off. I can't wait to get out of that house and never return." She sighed, shutting her locker and turning to me. Her eyes landed on my wrist and the corners of her lips turned up to make a beautiful smile. "I like seeing that on you."

"I haven't taken it off since I put it on." I smiled back. Her smiles were always contagious.

"Not even…" She paused to let her smile transform into a seductive smirk. "…to shower?"

"Not even." I grinned.

It was then that Santana and Brittany stopped by.

"Hey. Listen, we're throwing this mega sweet party at Brittany's place this weekend. You two should totally come. It'll be the hottest thing to hit McKinley since Brit set off that chemical explosion in the science labs last year." Santana wiggled her eyebrows and elbowed Quinn.

Brittany nodded. "Yeah, and that explosion burned the eyebrows off of my lab partner, so since this party is going to be even hotter, you might want to bring protective masks for your own safety. I can't be held responsible for any casualties."

"You know I'd love to go." Quinn held her folder close against her chest. "But I'm still grounded, remember?"

"So we'll bust you out." Santana shrugged.

"Yeah, we can be like Batman and Catwoman." Brittany said excitedly.

"You mean Batman and Robin?" I asked.

"No." Brittany looked as if I had insulted her. "Quinn is in serious need of our vigilante services. I will perform the duties of Batman, like wearing a stylish outfit and breaking the law in order to serve a higher justice and throw a sicktacular party. And Santana will be my Catwoman, a mysterious and fierce lady of great talent and fashion yet has little to no respect for the law or the people who she finds inferior."

While myself and Quinn were caught off guard at the words that had spewed from Brittany's mouth, Santana simply nodded and hooked her elbow around Brittany's arm. "Yeah, that's pretty accurate. So we'll come by your house Friday night around six. We'll need to go pick up some supplies on our way over to Brit's too. I've got Trouty-Mouth and Puckerman getting us the booze. It'll be awesome, trust me. But don't spread the word too much, okay? I don't want Hudson and his buffoons showing up and stealing all my Jell-O shots while they chest bump each other's man boobs."

Santana and Brittany left, skipping merrily down the hall holding hands. Watching them be so open with their love for each other made me feel both happy and jealous. Quinn nudged me with her elbow and gave a comforting smile.

"Come on, we don't want to be late for class." She said.

"You're not actually thinking about going to that party, are you?"

"I don't know. I'll have to think about it. There's a lot to consider." She shrugged.

"What? Quinn, what about your parents? What if you get caught?"

"I told you, I'm tired of worrying about upsetting my parents."

"Well, what about…the other stuff?"

"What other stuff?" She questioned, walking ahead of me and taking her seat in first period.

"You know." I sat down next to her and lowered my voice. "The stuff that will be at the party. You told me you were done with parties."

She avoided my eyes while she thought of what to say. Still looking away from me, she said, "I haven't done anything like that since the summer."

"No one said you have. I'm concerned, that's all. It's not that I don't think you can stay away from it, because I have complete faith in you. I just want to know that _you_ think you can do it."

"I can." She finally looked at me again. "But you'll be there by my side, right?"

"Of course." I barely got the words out before the bell rang and Mr. G started his lecture.

That Friday, exactly at six, Santana, Brittany, and Quinn arrived at my house in Santana's car. The moment that I was buckled in, I asked how the breakout went.

"It was simple." Quinn answered while Brittany and Santana laughed heavily from the front of the car.

Brittany turned in her seat to explain. "Okay, so we went up to the door and rang the bell, right on schedule. Her dad answered the door and told us Quinn wasn't allowed to hang out with any friends. We told him that we weren't there for Quinn."

Santana took over and finished the story. "We made up some stupid story about selling coupon books to raise money for underprivileged kids in Africa. Then her mom came to the door and was like 'oh, you two are Brittany and Santana' and we were like 'yes ma'am, that's us' and then they started preaching to us and we had to stand there and nod our heads respectfully while Quinn took her sweet time sneaking out the back door. It was hilarious."

When Quinn reached across the backseat and held my hand, I was stunned speechless. She laughed and said, "I told them."

"Told us?" Santana questioned, glancing back to see our hands. "Oh, yeah, I totally called GayBerry like three years ago."

"I always knew Quinn was a total lady-lover." Brittany added. "If me and Santana weren't the hottest couple at McKinley, it'd totally be you guys."

"Totally." Santana agreed.

"Totally." Quinn squeezed my hand.

I couldn't stop the huge smile that took over my face. "Totally."

By the time that the first hour of the party was over, I had already decided that this was the best party that I'd ever been to. The entire Glee Club was there, along with a good portion of the Cheerios and an even bigger number of kids from our school that were actually fun to be around outside of McKinley. Around 11, Quinn and I decided to take a little break from the excitement. We went outside to sit on a bench on the back porch to cool off.

"How are you holding up?" I asked her, noticing all of the empty red plastic cups that were littered across the porch.

"Surprisingly well." She slid her fingers between mine. "It's hard to be surrounded by people drinking and want to stay sober, but it's not so bad with you here. I don't need that stuff to have a good time. You're all I need."

"Really?" I hadn't expected such a sweet response.

She nodded. "Last summer, I was in a bad place. I did a lot of things I regret. But I don't regret getting closer to you at all. You were the highlight of my summer, and you've been the highlight of my senior year. You were the best part of my Christmas, even. I love being with you. You make me feel better about myself more than any drink or drug ever could. You're the best addiction I've ever had."

"Quinn…" I was torn between throwing myself at her and crying over how happy I was. "…I've waited so long for this. For us."

"I know." She smiled sweetly. "I'm stupid for taking this long to let us be."

"Yeah you are."

We were laughing when the back door slid open. Kurt's horrified expression ended our laughs.

"Quinn, it's your dad. He's here. He's making a scene in the living room."

It was then that we could hear the distant yells coming from within the house. Quinn's father was yelling her name. She jumped up from the bench and ran past Kurt into the house. I followed as quickly as I could.

In the middle of Santana's living room stood the furious and red-faced Russell Fabray. He was surrounded in a circle by dumbstruck partygoers. When Quinn entered the room, he pointed at her and started yelling over the music.

"Quinn Fabray! How dare you disobey me and your mother! How dare you sneak out of the house and come to a party with underage drinking! Did you really think we wouldn't notice? Did you really think you could outsmart us and get away with it? You are in a world of trouble, young lady. Not only have you directly disobeyed us, but you've also forced me to drive across town and enter the home of a known homosexual. Does the word _sin _mean nothing to you? Jesus Christ would not condone this type of behavior. Now go outside and wait in the car. Go!"

Quinn's feet didn't move. She crossed her arms and replied, "No."

Her father's face grew a deeper shade of red. "I said, _go to the car_."

"No." Quinn shrugged casually.

"If you don't come with me right now, by God I will—"

"What?" Quinn took a step forward. "You'll what, Dad? Ground me for the rest of life? You were already trying to do that one. Or maybe you'll send me off to some convent. Maybe the nuns will be able to fix me. Well, you know what, Dad? I don't need to be fixed. And you can ground me all you want, but that's not going to change who I am or who my friends are."

"The Lord does not want you to be associated with sinners—"

"No, Dad, _you _don't want me to be associated with people that _you_ don't agree with."

"I won't deny that." He placed his hands on his hips. "But listen here, stop all this and go get in the car so we can talk at home."

"We never talk at home. You never give me a chance to. You just tell me to stop bothering you and send me to my room. And now you barge into my friend's house and make a scene and _you're still telling me to leave_."

"I'm not going to tell you again." He warned.

"I'm not going anywhere with you."

"These people are corrupting you! These dancing, sinning faggots have got your mind all mixed up. You need help!"

That did it. That pushed Quinn over the edge.

She dropped her arms to her sides, her hands balled up into trembling fists, and through clenched teeth she yelled, "I'm dating a girl!"

Her dad stared at her through the horribly quiet room. He was struggling to think of something to say.

But Quinn didn't give him much of a chance to say anything. "You know Rachel Berry? The girl that you said I wasn't allowed to hang out with because she has two dads? Well, she's my girlfriend. It took me three years to accept that I like her and that I want to be with her. I was scared of what you'd say. I was terrified by the idea that you would hate me and find me disgusting. But you know what the saddest part is? I was mostly worried about what other people would think. You brainwashed me into believing that other people's opinions are more important than being who I really am. But now, I see things differently. You think I should be ashamed of who I am, but I'm not. I'm ashamed of who_ you_ are, Dad."

Her father left. He turned on his heels and walked out the door without saying anything more.

After a few moments of awkwardness, Santana went to the center of the room, raised her cup into the air, and shouted, "Three cheers for Quinn Fabray, the biggest badass in all of Lima, Ohio!"

Everyone cheered and the music got turned up even louder. The party went on, like nothing even happened.

I pulled Quinn to the side. "Are you okay? That was insane."

"Yes." She smiled. Her body was shaking. "I've been waiting to tell him off for nearly 18 years. I can't believe it finally happened. It just all came out. _I _just came out. I don't know, I just couldn't hold it in any longer. I feel incredible right now."

She pulled me into a kiss, our first public kiss ever. The few people around us that noticed cheered. Sam pulled us into a group hug as soon as they found us among the crowd.

"It's about time." Sam laughed. "I knew this would happen. I'm major proud of you, Quinn. Your balls still prove to be the biggest in Lima."

"Thank you, thank you." Quinn laughed.

"Hey, Rachel." He turned to me. "Take care of this one."

"Will do." I took Quinn's hand and led her to the dance floor.

Quinn didn't go home that night. We both stayed at Santana's with her and Brittany. We helped clean up after the party and passed out as soon as we got up to Santana's room around six in the morning. It wasn't until closer to ten that Quinn shook me awake.

"Hey." She whispered, careful not to wake up Santana or Brittany, who were cuddled close together in a corner of the large bed. "My mom left me like a million voicemails. I'm going to go the house and talk to her while my dad's not there. She said he's spending the day out golfing or something."

We shared a quick kiss before she turned to leave. "Call me if you need me."

That was the last thing I said to her before it happened.

Before we got the call that something was wrong.

Before we rushed out the door, speeding towards the hospital.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

* * *

><p>Santana drove as fast as she could to the hospital. Unfortunately, she lived farther from the hospital than anyone else I knew. I spent the long ride trying not to listen to Brittany's theories about what had happened. When we finally reached our destination, we rushed to the Emergency Room waiting area and found a group already there.<p>

Finn and Puck were sitting quietly next to each other, both staring blankly into space. Mike, Tina, and Artie were talking quietly in a corner. Kurt had his arm around Mercedes's shoulder as she sobbed in her seat. Blaine got up to let Santana and Brittany sit where he had been. He walked over to me and gave my arm a comforting squeeze.

"Hey." He said quietly.

"Have the doctors said anything yet?" I asked slowly. I was still in shock and my mind was still struggling to process everything.

"Not yet." He sighed.

"How long have you guys been here?"

"Oh, I just got here. Mercedes was here first, probably about forty-five minutes ago. Poor girl had wait alone until Kurt could get here."

"I feel so bad." I whispered to him. "I feel like I should have seen this coming."

He nodded. "I know what you mean. I always thought something was up with that family. I just never did anything about it. No one did."

Just then, the doors burst open and Quinn came running into the room. As soon as she found me, she was by my side.

"What's going on? What happened? Is he okay? All the voicemail on my phone said was that Sam's in the E.R. and the police are involved." She was panicking. I was about to ask her how she managed to drive herself to the hospital, but then I saw her mother enter the room quietly and stand off to the side.

Blaine put his hand on Quinn's shoulder and began to explain. "Sam's mom called Mercedes about an hour ago and told her that Sam was heading to the E.R. in an ambulance and that the police were arresting his father for attempted murder."

"Oh my god." Quinn's hand rose to cover her gaping mouth. "What'd he do to him?"

"Stabbed him in the back with a kitchen knife. It's incredibly and horribly ironic." Blaine whispered, glancing over his shoulder at Mercedes.

"Did Mrs. Evans say what made him do it?" I asked quietly, keeping my eye on Quinn. She looked very pale and weak.

"No." Blaine leaned in closer. "But last night at Santana's party, he drank a lot. More than I've ever seen anyone drink before. He could barely walk by the time it ended. Puck had to practically carry him out to Mercedes's car. I don't know, but that might have something to do with it."

Quinn took in a deep breath. She exhaled, trying to calm down, but her hands were still shaking as she talked. "Sam's dad is a horrible person. He's mean, he drinks, he spends a lot of time out with his asshole friends, he's a racist homophobe, he's hit Sam several times before, and he verbally abuses the whole family almost on a daily basis. Sometimes Sam is afraid to leave his little brother and sister at home when he knows his dad will be there."

"Why didn't Sam ever call the police on him?" I asked.

"He was positive his mother would never forgive him and probably be deemed unfit to care for them and that he'd be separated from his brother and sister." She answered.

Tears filled Blaine's eyes and he excused himself, hurrying off to compose himself in a corner. I wanted to hug Quinn, or at least hold her hand, but I could still feel her mother's eyes on us.

"You mom is watching us." I told her.

She didn't have to look over to know I was telling the truth. "She said I could only come up here if she came with me. She wouldn't let me drive."

"Does she…"

"Yeah, she knows about us."

"Your dad?"

"Yeah. He told her everything."

"She doesn't look too angry."

"We're in a hospital." She pointed out. "Besides, she loves Sam. She's worried about him too."

"Did you guys get to talk this morning?"

"A little." She lowered her voice. "She's not happy. Not as upset as my dad was, but she's still trying to figure out how exactly she feels about the whole thing. She said it kept her up all night. She wants to support me and all, but she's finding it hard to. She really wishes that I wouldn't be with you."

"I guess that means I won't be invited over for any family dinners any time soon."

"Probably not. But at least my mom is talking to me. She said I shouldn't expect her to accept it, but at least she's not shutting me completely. We were about to talk about if I should keep living in the house when I checked my phone." Tears began to fall from her eyes. "What if he…what if it's really bad? What if the knife hit something important? What if he bleeds to death or something? He's such a good guy, he doesn't deserve this."

I lost all concern for all of the others in the waiting room and I pulled Quinn into a hug. She cried on my shoulder as I tried to comfort her. "Hey, come on, this is no time to think like that. We need to stay positive. No more 'what if this' or 'what if that', okay?"

"You're right." She nodded, leaning out of the hug and pulling me over to sit in an empty row of seats. She removed the cross necklace from around her neck and held it in her hand. Quietly, she began to pray.

The others noticed what she was doing. Mercedes immediately got up and sat down on Quinn's other side, grabbing on to her free hand and shutting her eyes tightly. I turned to Quinn and put my arm around her shoulders. Slowly, people started to join us. First was Blaine. He pulled a chair over and held on to Mercedes's other hand. Then Kurt, despite all of his adamant proclaims of atheism. Brittany, Santana, Mike, Tina, and Artie all came over as well. Then Puck, and finally Finn.

When Puck timidly grabbed my free hand, he leaned in and whispered, "Is it okay that we're Jewish and doing this?"

"Yes, Noah." I nodded, giving him a small smile. He gave one back before he bowed his head.

In that moment, all of our differences seemed to fade away. I realized that despite each of our reasons to dislike each other and despite all of the mean things we've ever done to one another, we were all there in that circle for Sam. For that moment, no one hated Finn, no one judged Quinn, no one laughed at Puck, no one pitied Artie, no one forgot about Tina or Mike, no one was annoyed with Santana, no one looked down on Brittany, no one envied Blaine, no one put up with Kurt, no one hurt Mercedes, and for that moment we were all there and one and together and equal and united. One of us had fallen, and we all there for him. Our differences meant nothing because someone we loved was hurting.

I glanced back at the doors and saw Quinn's mom still watching us. She was wiping at her eyes with a Kleenex. With the arm that had been around Quinn's shoulders, I waved her over to us. Very cautiously, she walked to our circle. She sat down on the bench behind us and put one hand on Quinn's shoulder, and took mine with the other. Quinn paused to glance back and when she what her mother had done she began to cry.

Finn took over the prayer without missing a beat. We were like that for at least ten or fifteen minutes before someone was sent to update us. The nurse said that Sam was stable and things were going well.

Throughout the day, some of us had to leave and do other things or go to work, but we always came back as soon as we could. They moved us out of the E.R. and to a different waiting room somewhere deeper in the hospital, and that room became ours. We played cards, shared stories, sang, laughed, worked on creating a set list for Regionals, but most importantly, we spent the time together.

Quinn's mom left after we switched rooms, and she gave her daughter permission to get a ride home from one of us later on. Around dinnertime, Mrs. Evans came into the room and thanked us all for being there and said that a few of us could come visit him at a time while she went to check on Sam's little brother and sister who were being watched by a neighbor.

We let Mercedes go alone first. Finn and Puck went next. I had never paid much attention to their friendship, I just knew that despite their original arguments over Quinn, they were best friends. After them, Quinn wanted to see him and she wanted me to come with her.

We walked down the hall to his room and entered it. He was the only one in there, but the sports game that was on the T.V. supplied a quiet background noise.

"Hey." Sam smiled as we walked over to his bed. "I feel really popular tonight."

"You should." Quinn smiled back. "Everyone is here for you."

"Yeah, that's what they've been telling me." He grinned.

"We've all been really worried." She said, reaching for his hand to hold.

"Nah, look at me, I'm fine." He tried to shrug but winced at the pain it caused.

Quinn rolled her eyes. "I was seriously freaking out earlier."

"She was." I agreed.

"Hey." Sam looked at me and grinned like he had just realized I was there. "Hey, it's the lovebirds. You guys are awesome. So awesome. I love you guys."

"How many pain meds do they have you on?" Quinn laughed.

"A lot." Sam smiled wider.

"Well, I'm glad you're going to be okay. We all are." She replied.

"Going to be?" He raised an eyebrow. "Come on, I'm already better than okay. I've got an amazing girlfriend, awesome friends, I'm alive…things are better than okay. And…and I think…you know…it's whatever…and you guys…love you guys…totally, you know…"

Quinn looked over at me and we had to stifle our giggles as Sam slowly fell asleep before us. We moved away from his bed, but didn't leave the room just yet. We wanted to have a few moments of privacy.

"Thank you." Quinn whispered, pulling me into a hug.

"For what?" I held her close.

"Being here, keeping me sane, stuff like that. And for how you handled my mom earlier."

"It just seemed like the right thing to do."

"Rachel?" She held me tighter. "I love you."

I had never smiled so big before in my life as I said, "I love you too."

The next few months flew by. Before I knew it, my senior year of high school was almost over. A lot happened those months between the attack on Sam and Senior Prom though. Sam recovered quickly, and his mom was able to keep custody over him and his siblings despite his fears of them being taken away. Finn rejoined New Directions, and we also got three new members: Rory Flanagan, Sugar Motta, and Joe Hart.

As for Quinn, her mother was so moved by our prayer circle in the E.R. that she argued long and hard with her husband about where Quinn would be living. He wanted to kick her out, like Quinn predicted he would, but Mrs. Fabray was determined to not lose her daughter. She ended up giving him an ultimatum. Either Quinn stayed, or they both left. And that is the very summarized story of how Quinn's parents got divorced.

Quinn was still grounded for sneaking out and lying and whatnot, but her mother was much more lenient with her restrictions than her father had been. The best part was that it only lasted for a few weeks. By the beginning of March, Quinn was free. There were still some limitations where I was concerned, though. We weren't allowed to be at Quinn's new house alone together or in her room with the door shut at all. Quinn also wasn't allowed to spend the night at my house, but my dads agreed that that was a good idea too.

In April, we had our Senior Prom. Quinn spent most of her time preparing for the event, as she was both on the prom committee and campaigning to be voted Prom Queen. During the weeks prior to the big night, I endured many speeches on how important the title was to her. Quinn was obsessed with becoming Queen. I remember her saying, "The majority of people never remember who the president of the student body was or which cheerleader was the captain or who ran an honor society. But everyone remembers who their Prom King and Queen were. Not only is it the ultimate way to know that your peers care about who you are, it's the ultimate way to be remembered forever."

When Senior Prom finally did arrive, Quinn and I publically went together. The night was a million times better than the previous Junior Prom had been. We danced, and sang, and laughed, and had the most amazing time or our lives. I remember it well.

The only time that Quinn left my side was when she and Santana left to count the votes for King and Queen. Both of them and a girl named Missy were the nominees for Queen. For King, the nominees were Finn, another football player, and a boy from the hockey team that I had never seen before and never saw again.

When Quinn returned to me, she was smiling mischievously. Before I could ask her if she won, which I knew she must have, Principal Figgins took to the stage. "I have here the winners for this year's Prom King and Queen, as well a coupon for a free celebratory pancake from the International House Of Pancakes. Would the nominees please join me on stage at this time."

After the six nominees had made their way up to the stage, Figgins opened the envelope and said, "The winner of the 2012 Prom King is Mister Finn Hudson."

Finn stepped forward and Figgins placed a large crown on top of his head. The room grew silent as Figgins returned to the microphone and opened the second envelope. "And this year's Prom Queen, winning with the majority of write-in votes, is Miss Rachel Berry."

At first, I hadn't realized that he had said my name. But after everyone around me started to turn and stare, it hit me.

"What?" My voice was hoarse. I could feel my cheeks heating up with an intense blush, adrenaline was kicking in and making my knees shake, and Quinn's hand was gently pushing me towards the stage. I found myself walking on to the stage and then standing before the large crowd of applauding juniors and seniors.

Figgins went back to the microphone and said, "Congratulations, Finn and Rachel. Now, it is tradition that the King and Queen have their dance. Please make room, there you go. Perfect. Students, remember, we have an hour left to party. Please stay safe, make good choices, and have fun."

I was vaguely aware of Finn taking my hand and leading me back on to the floor. We started to slow dance, but my eyes were on the crowd. I searched for Quinn, and, when I found her, she waved and smiled.

"So." Finn cleared his throat. "Congrats."

"Yeah, you too."

"You look really beautiful tonight." He said awkwardly.

"Thanks. You look nice too."

He glanced over at Quinn, who was now dancing cheerfully with Santana and Brittany. "Listen, I'm sorry about everything that's happened. I've done a lot of stupid stuff in high school. There's a lot I wish I hadn't done, a lot I wish I could change. But I'm glad you found Quinn. You came into her life at the perfect time. I've never seen her this happy before. It's easy to see how much you guys love each other. I guess what I'm really going for here is, you know, that it's still tough to see Quinn with someone else, but I'm glad that someone else is you. I really hope you guys are together for a long time. Quinn needs someone to look after her…and you're the perfect person for the job."

"Thank you, Finn." I had never genuinely smiled at Finn before then.

We danced until the song ended, and then we went our separate ways. I found Quinn as soon as I could and pulled her to the side.

"Why'd you do it?" I asked the moment we were by the punch bowl.

"What, you don't like being Prom Queen?" She raised an eyebrow and smirked.

"I don't know." I touched the crown on my head and a smile forced its way on to my face. "I guess. It's still sinking in."

"The crown looks beautiful on you." She gave me a quick kiss on the lips.

"But you wanted it so badly." I pointed out.

"Yeah." She shrugged. "But there are things that I value more than a crown or a title. Rachel, you deserve this more than I ever could. The only place that you've allowed yourself to shine is in Glee Club, but tonight…tonight everyone has seen just how amazing you are. No one deserves the spotlight more than you."

"Quinn, you'll always be my Queen."

Shortly after that, the Glee Club when on stage and performed a song. Thanks to my solo and my new Prom Queen status, I was in indeed the ultimate center of attention. That night easily became the best night of my life, especially when considering what happened next.

Quinn told her mom that she was staying the night at Mercedes's house. I told my dads that I was staying at Kurt's. The truth was that we were both staying in a hotel room together. Almost everyone in Glee got rooms, all on the same floor. As soon as our Senior Prom ended, we traveled over to the hotel and the fun began.

We started together, all in the largest room that Puck had gotten for himself and for those that didn't have dates to all sleep in and share. We laughed and danced and most of the group played drinking games. When the drinking got heavier, though, Quinn and I politely departed the room. She was still struggling with being around large amounts of drinking, so we decided it was better to be safe than sorry. Not to mention that we really wanted some privacy.

We went to our own room. After Quinn locked the door, the kissing began. Then came the making out and the undressing and roaming hands and getting in the bed and the kissing my way down Quinn's body and learning what she tastes like and what it feels like to have my fingers inside of her. Quinn moaning my name as she climaxed was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard. It was fitting, since it came from the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen.

We didn't stop there. We went until both of us were shaking, until we couldn't handle anymore. We collapsed together with our naked, pulsing bodies pressed against each other. After our breathing had regulated and our bodies had calmed down, she kissed the tip of my nose.

"I love you, Rachel Berry." She kissed me again.

"I love you, Quinn Fabray." I whispered against her lips.

"I'm glad you're all mine." She smiled.

"I'm glad I'm all yours." I smiled back.

I sang the first song that came to mind.

"And I'd give up forever to touch you  
>'Cause I know that you feel me somehow<br>You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
>And I don't want to go home right now<p>

And all I can taste is this moment  
>And all I can breathe is your life<br>And sooner or later it's over  
>I just don't wanna miss you tonight<p>

And I don't want the world to see me  
>'Cause I don't think that they'd understand<br>When everything's made to be broken  
>I just want you to know who I am<p>

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
>Or the moment of truth in your lies<br>When everything feels like the movies  
>Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive<p>

And I don't want the world to see me  
>'Cause I don't think that they'd understand<br>When everything's made to be broken  
>I just want you to know who I am<p>

And I don't want the world to see me  
>'Cause I don't think that they'd understand<br>When everything's made to be broken  
>I just want you to know who I am<p>

And I don't want the world to see me  
>'Cause I don't think that they'd understand<br>When everything's made to be broken  
>I just want you to know who I am"<p>

* * *

><p>This brings us to the present, where I'm in a bed with the beautiful girl I love falling asleep against my chest. I don't know what the future will hold for us, but I know that we can make it. I'm prepared to spend the rest of my life with this girl. We might not appear to be the perfect match, but that's okay with me. I know I love her and I know that she loves me. Just by knowing that, I can handle anything else that life throws my way.<p>

I'm in love with a girl who made to be broken, but I'll always be there to help her put the pieces back together.


End file.
